How to ruin Diwali for good Hindus

Many '90s middle class kids would fondly recall going to the market with their parents to choose their favourite tikli guns, loading them with tiny gunpowder-covered rolls that they fired to glory. Remember how you put an "atom bomb" under an old upturned tin can and watched it fly, bit by bit, as the bomb exploded? Or the time you dropped a 100-cracker lari in a matka and heard the sound reverberate through the neighbourhood? Or, when that rocket you lit ricocheted into the neighbour's balcony, setting the clothes put out to dry on fire?

Hilarious.

On October 9, the Supreme Court swooped in and took away our firecrackers for the second year in a row — banning their sale in the Delhi-NCR region this Diwali. This was done with good reason — as you’ll know if you live in Delhi. Every Diwali, the whole city turns into a smoky acrid bowl of particulate matter that goes around, threatening to give everyone lung cancer. Delhi is polluted even on usual days, but during Diwali, the crisis reaches another level.

Is banning crackers the right way to reduce pollution? I disagree. But exercising logic during religious events has become a tricky affair in our times. Even if the Supreme Court banned firecrackers keeping in mind the health concerns of the citizens of Delhi-NCR, there are some fascinating people who believe this is an affront to Hindus. Whataboutery is flowing in glorious quantities and Diwali hasn't escaped its wrath.

Perhaps Mr Dixit needs to come to Delhi during Diwali, sit on a terrace and take in a deep Deepawali breath to understand the "effect of smoke not known" to him.

There is a host of people saying the firecracker ban on Diwali is against Hindu culture. Allow me to sum up the argument in brief: “Why wouldn’t you let us celebrate this festival the way we want to celebrate? You take away water during Holi saying it’s unnecessary wastage and now you’re taking away crackers also!? What about Bakri Eid when they kill animals? What about Christmas when they cut trees? Y U NO BAN ALL THAT?!”

I hear you. But let's do a fact check. Turning a concern about air pollution and health hazards into a communal issue is just bizarre. So dear people-upset-about-the-firecracker-ban, allow me to bring in logic to the discussion, which is not related to air pollution.

In India, Chinese fireworks were imported in massive quantities until 2014. These fireworks were inexpensive and contained copious quantities of Potassium Chlorate. It’s a volatile chemical that can ignite and explode spontaneously. So, in September 2014, the ministry of commerce made sale and possession of foreign-made firecrackers a punishable offence.

Despite this ban, Chinese fireworks are being smuggled into India and sold with false labels, because the firecracker industry is largely unregulated.

In Sivakasi, which produces about 80 per cent of all fireworks in India, this year, the story is one of misery. Demonetisation and GST have forced factory owners to reduce production by up to 30 per cent. The central government implemented a GST of 28 per cent on firecrackers, compared to the earlier tax of 14.5 per cent, so their products are set to get expensive.

The bottom line: fireworks are going to be exorbitant this year. There is also a chance they might be fake Chinese labels that will explode without warning and ruin your Diwali.

Throwing in another fun fact: fireworks are in no way an Indian concept. They were invented in China in the 7th century and became popular across the world between 1200 AD and 1700 AD (several books have been written on the invention of gunpowder). For all intents and purposes, fireworks became a part of Diwali celebrations only recently.

Now allow me to remind you why Diwali is celebrated. Deepawali literally means a row of "deep" aka small ghee/oil lamps. It does not mean a row of gunpowder and chemical-filled pieces of tightly wound paper that explode when set on fire. It is supposed to be the festival of light, not the festival of light, sound and smoke.

The popular — primarily North Indian — narrative is that King Ram returned to Ayodhya after slaying Ravan in battle and completing his 14-year-exile. It is said that in order to mark the return of Ram, Sita and Laxman — and welcome them — a path was illuminated by a row of lights (Deepawali) to signify the victory of light over darkness.

That’s the Ramayan version of Diwali, but there are many versions and stories surrounding the festival and why it’s celebrated in different parts of India.

Let's list out a bunch of them:

1. Diwali marks the return of the Pandavas from a 12-year-exile and one year of being anonymous pretenders. That’s the Mahabharata version, in short.
2. Diwali signifies the birth of Goddess Laxmi after the gods and demons churned the ocean (Samudra manthan). Five days later, her marriage with Vishnu is celebrated. That falls on Diwali night. Along with Laxmi, offerings are made to Ganesh, Saraswati and Kuber as well who represent wealth, removal of obstacles, knowledge and business sense, respectively.
3. In eastern parts of India, primarily West Bengal, Odisha and Assam, Diwali is celebrated as Kali Pujo. Goddess Kali is worshipped at night chanting hymns and with tantric rituals. Animal sacrifice is commonplace during this night of frolic, some even offer animal blood in a skull to the clay idol of Kali.
4. In Uttar Pradesh, in Mathura and its surrounding areas, Diwali is celebrated keeping Krishna in mind. His many legends are recounted and celebrated, especially the one involving the Govardhan mountain.
5. In parts of Kerala, Tamil Nadu, Karnataka and Andhra Pradesh, Diwali marks Krishna killing the demon Narkasur.

Also, do note that apart from Hindus, even Sikhs, Buddhists and Jains celebrate this festival for distinct reasons:

1.  Sikhs celebrate this day as Bandi Chhor Diwas. On this day, Guru Har Gobind freed himself from the prison of Jahangir and arrived at the Golden Temple. The grand Golden Temple is lit up that night to mark the occasion, to welcome the Guru back.
2.  Jains celebrate Diwali by remembering Mahavira. It is said he attained enlightenment on the night of Amavasya in the presence of many gods. Again, it signifies entering the light from darkness.
3.  Newar Buddhists of Nepal celebrate Tihar (which coincides with Diwali) by worshipping Laxmi. They make offerings to cows, dogs, oxen and worship Goddess Laxmi. They even have their own version of bhai-duj called Tika. Sikkim also marks Diwali this way.

Notice how the common theme in all these celebrations is the victory of light over darkness, good over evil, hope over despair — and knowledge over ignorance (*hint hint*).

Whatever happened to the time Diwali used to be about a night of jolly good fun with the whole society gathering around and exchanging pleasantries?

If you go by the social media narrative being created, it would appear that Diwali is being celebrated by a lot of people this year just to prove a point.

“This is OUR festival and WE will burst crackers whether you like it or not. Oh you hate firecrackers libtards & environment lubbers? Shame on you. I’m going to spend MORE to buy crackers even on your behalf and burst them. Take that!!”

There is an incredible amount of contortionist arguments doing the rounds to justify why banning firecrackers on Diwali is bad.

Allow me to list a few:

1. “Oh but why don’t you stop Christians from cutting trees during Christmas?”
2. “Why don’t Muslims stop animal sacrifice?”
3. “Delhi is polluted on most days so what difference will it make on Diwali, eh?”
4. “What about the loudspeakers used by Muslims for Azaan? The sound pollution caused by them is OK or what?”
5. It’s strange how nearly every issue has become about one community one-upping the other, even a firecracker ban. The Supreme Court issued the diktat on those blasted firecrackers (literally) because of pollution and health hazards.

I have to say, bans are not a good idea. They might have the opposite effect and a lot of upset people might burst even more crackers than usual this Diwali, just to prove a point.

Dosto,Many years ago I had given up bursting crackers. Then I joined Twitter. at CAGR of 40% my cracker budget grows yoy. Thanks libtards https://t.co/Exfl9aE5gD

— Ashu???? (@muglikar_) October 6, 2017

Traders have already issued a warning over the possibility of firecrackers being smuggled due to this ban. Since it applies only to the NCR region, we may see people trying to sell crackers bought from neighbouring states at a higher price. There would be no quality check and the harmful crackers might make it to Delhi as a result. As with all smuggled goods, traders will find a way to sell crackers, especially when the demand is high during the festival season.

A lot of folks in Delhi I know voluntarily avoid bursting crackers on Diwali. But they do it of their own volition, because they believe they are right in doing so. Now, a few think the SC order interferes with their religious rights.

I haven't burst single cracker on Diwali for past 18 years, but after seeing libtards n left hypocrisy, this Diwali is going to be noisy

— vnay (@Nardole85) October 6, 2017

I have no words. I am still trying to wrap my head around how this illogic is being rationalised. For those in Delhi who have experienced the horrible smog-ridden Diwali last year and the year before that, for those with respiratory problems and disorders, such aggressive statements just blow the mind. No crackers required.

Also read: Disgusting. This Indian 'skin-lightening' men's pubic hygiene ad is as sexist as it's racist