For each mob of perverts, if I find one evolved man, I see a shimmer of hope
The start of a new year is about faith and hope, about dreams and new beginnings and about smartphones clogged with wishes from family, friends, friends of friends and family of friends of friends — all of whom reside surreptitiously in the numerous WhatsApp groups on your phone. The clutter of clichés, gifs and jpegs cannot keep down the magic of new beginnings and it comes through joyously with each wish. Maybe it is to do with irrepressible hope, the honest belief that this will be the best year ever.
But doesn't that belief seem completely illogical and unfounded in the face of something as ghastly as the "mass molestation" in a supposedly cosmopolitan city like Bangalore? Where is the magic of new beginnings when a crowd of drunken men celebrating New Year's Eve decide at some point to "have a good time" by attacking, groping and pawing women passing by! "Not a single woman was spared," say news reports. What starts with one or two degenerates soon becomes an uncontrolled mob, molesting women at will, with no fear of getting caught or any subsequent penalty. Imagine the mindset of a man who thinks it is fun to grope a woman, tear at her clothes and laugh at her panic and helplessness. Alcohol and revelry are no justification; it is the sick mentality that objectifies women, that is at fault. No report has been filed, no arrests made — so yes, those Neanderthals have gotten off scot-free even after such an appalling act, leaving the door open for other degenerates to fearlessly follow suit.
How can there still be hope?
For each mob of perverts, if I find one evolved man who respects women, understands consent and regards her well-being as important as his own, I see a shimmer of hope. Fortunately, in the latter part of 2016, I met many such men who have come together to magnify that shimmer into an optimistic glow. Over the last few months, we have had many fathers join us along with their wives at our blogger meets across the country. Their very presence was a tremendous support for their wives, most of who were taking first steps in rebuilding a career after motherhood. When a discussion about fathers taking on equal share of baby care came up, it was a revelation to hear these men question the very basis of the conversation — it was their baby too and their involvement in care and upbringing was a given, hence they wondered why it was a topic of discussion in the first place.
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| There are impressive dads who are enjoying parenting simply by committing to it wholly. |
I am of the firm belief that mothers are the greatest catalysts for social change and the simplest effort in this direction would be for them to raise their children without gender stereotypes. So imagine my delight at this father’s story — while his own father largely played the traditional paternal role of a disciplinarian from behind the newspaper, his mother made sure he was involved in all household chores, including rolling out rotis and changing his baby brother’s diaper. Thanks to her foresight, today, he is a completely hands-on father and husband in his own home, taking on any task and any role without a thought to whether it is perceived as a man’s role or a woman’s. I am sure his wife cannot thank her mother-in-law enough and frankly, nor can we.
Slowly but surely, there is also a shift in how women are projected in the media and as far as cinema goes, there were several thought-provoking films in 2016 that resonated well with audiences. Critically acclaimed Pink raised the issue of consent and the regressive clichés that single women in urban India are stuck with. Dear Zindagi tackled many stereotypes but what stood out for me was the young protagonist counting her domestic help as one of the most important people in her life, along with her closest friends and family. When we are talking about respect, it has to be for women across the spectrum and treating our support system right is the least we can do as educated and financially privileged folk. Dangal was at the other end of the social spectrum showing a father breaking gender barriers in an intrinsically conventional environment armed only with steadfast belief in his daughters’ capabilities. The fact that this story is real gives you that much more hope.
But more than the silver screen, it is my interactions with real-life superdads and supermoms in 2016 that have made me optimistic about a better tomorrow. I have made a mention of the impressive dads who are enjoying parenting simply by committing to it wholly, but I cannot end this article without mentioning the equally remarkable mums who are breaking out of the competitive mode of parenting. Tired of being judged, these mums do not want the stress of comparisons, labels and expectations to define their children and are happy to do away with regressive stereotypes. Our bloggers are representative of the new age mother and their outlook puts together a very hopeful picture of the future.
It will take a generation or two to complete the change but the good news is that the new generation is already "under construction" by progressive parents, the enablers. Here’s to a growing class of evolved dads and empowered moms, who understand that our children are learning by watching and if they can set the right example, our sons will grow up to be the ones who will make the world a livable place for our daughters. In spite of all the darkness that threatens to pull us down, I am entering 2017 with more than a shimmer of hope. Happy New Year!
The article first appeared here.