An open letter to Black Friday
Dear Black Friday,
I watched you nearly implode from a safe distance this morning in India. I'm quite happy to say that I believe your days are numbered. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm the next in line for the top spot. Granted, you have reigned as the busiest shopping day of the year in the United States for the better part of a decade. Your long, ironic shadow was cast from the Thanksgiving holiday – you know, the day Americans are supposed to be thankful for what they have? I can't recall any consecutive two-day “holidays” so vehemently opposed to one another, can you? I believe the entire population of India would gasp if they only knew the negative and ugly effects you have on the American people collectively known as “consumers” by the media and the Corporate America collective. Leave the Indians to me. If you somehow managed to outsource yourself to Bangalore, then we'd all be in for Armageddon by the close of business!
Black Friday, even your name is synonymous with a long line of infamy dating back to the 1869 Fisk-Gould Scandal. And this year, you fail to disappoint us once again. What a shit-storm coming out of Ferguson this year, right? I know I can't pin this one on you, but I watched my Twitter feed light up with dozens of photos and videos of Ferguson protesters joining forces with Wal-mart workers this year. Together, they conducted sit-down strikes across the country on the busiest shopping day – your day. Labour organizers put out the call for strikes and direct actions for the third year in a row. It was estimated that nearly 1,600 Wal-mart stores would participate. And this event neatly coincided with the nation-wide Ferguson protests already in progress on the fourth night of confrontations with militarised police forces. The perfect protest storm! Hundreds of arrests were made. And last night, a black woman lost her eye when the police fired a bean bag at the passenger-side windshield directly into her face. What the fuck is wrong with these cops? Dozens of peaceful protesters have been reported injured as well by these overzealous goon squads. All the while, your roving mobs of zombie-eyed consumers trample and fight one another without fear of arrest in the never-ending quest for cheap, shoddy merchandise.
Black Friday, how you try in vain to exempt yourself from the labour violations suffered by millions of Americans at the hands of multinational corporations like Wal-mart. Your pundits like to say that semi-skilled or no-skilled jobs don't deserve a living wage – many of these same people are Jesus-lovers, for Christ's sake! Could you imagine Jesus shrieking “no fish for you!” at the top of his lungs to a poor person for lacking an agreeable skill set? On the flip side, how unfathomable would it be for a Jesus to march into the money exchange on Wall Street and declare all these state-sponsored welfare queens as his new chosen people and deserving of the vast fortunes they've plundered off the backs of America's working poor? In your world, Black Friday, anything reeking of neo-feudalism goes. But the only thing that's "going" is the middle class – right down the tubes. Land of the free, home of the brave, maybe. A big maybe. But even the American Dream no longer dreams of itself. It's too busy working a dead-end job along with 156 million Americans living at or near poverty. Can't you see? There would be no need for a Black Friday if all workers earned a living wage. Not one living soul would risk getting maimed or killed while jostling for an off-brand flat-screen television “assembled in America” but manufactured in China. Only your buddy Capitalism could ever achieve these little patriotic victories and brag about it to you over a laugh and a couple of beers.
Black Friday, America is beginning to awake from her forty-year slumber on a pillow of shrinking salaries. By the look on her face and the tear in her dress, somebody must have slipped a roofie in her colada. Was that you, Black Friday? People are tired of working longer hours for less pay, tired of the politicians selling them out for a consultant job at a Wall Street firm after contaminating their elected positions even more than those that came before them. But do you know what most people are tired of, Black Friday? They're sick and tired and bored to death with your septic tank salesmanship, your plastic faces and testicle-kicked voices on the radio, TV and Internet, selling them shit they don't need with money they don't have. They're tired of queuing up for nine hours in advance of yet another meaningless Black Friday sale, plotting how they're going to pepper spray anyone who gets between them and that new Xbox console. They're tired of driving to all the crowded malls and retail outlets (sometimes in blizzards!) and having to put up with the growing trend of Black Friday protesters getting in the way of crass capitalism as usual. They're tired of the hassle, they're tired of all the unnecessary work to get a good deal with their hard-earned money. And if you look deep within yourself, Black Friday, I believe you're tired of it all, too.
Sincerely Yours,
Cyber Monday