SATIRE: A Pakistani cricket X-pert explains how Australia can win against India in the World Cup

DailyBiteNov 18, 2023 | 14:00

SATIRE: A Pakistani cricket X-pert explains how Australia can win against India in the World Cup

India and Australia will play the final on November 19. Photo: Unsplash/Getty/ dailyO

With both the finalists, Australia and India (unfortunately), now ready to take on each other on Sunday, November 19 in Ahmedabad's Narendra Modi Stadium, the ICC Men's World Cup has reached its final leg.

Team India has already landed in Ahmedabad, whereas the Aussies are yet to touch down, which is good, as long as the Kangaroos are getting their much-needed rest after their firey semi-final against South Africa on Thursday, November 16. That's because they need the rest if they wish to defeat the Indians who have made it to the final anyhow with the help of fixes, money, influence and luck, of course!


Now, to take on the Indian side which has a bag full of dirty tricks, Australia should think out of the box to dismantle the awful Indian batting and their toothless bowling to be crowned as the World Champions.

The out-of-the-box Australian tactics should not be the typical strong Aussie mindset, firey bowling, Captain Pat Cummins's ability to lead from the front or their adaptability.

They would need to take care of other things too.

Let me will explain, what!

Firstly, the Aussies must check with the ICC if the venue for the final could be changed to the Melbourne Cricket Ground or the Sydney Cricket Ground, just a day ahead of the finale. To make sure the Aussies get the desired swing or seam, the venue could even be shifted to Hobart or Brisbane.

It would not be fair to have the match in Ahmedabad's Narendra Modi Stadium as the name of the stadium could trigger divine powers in the Indians.

 Also, can the crowd be Aussie only? and can the DJ only play 'Under the Southern Cross' in between the overs instead of 'Chak de India' and 'Jai Ho'?


The pitch, if not a green carpet like the ones in New Zealand, should be left for Mohammed Hafeez from Pakistan to decide, who has had an issue with an Indian wicket in the past.

Coming to the toss, the way Rohit Sharma, the Indian captain spins the coin and makes sure it lands far from the sight of the opponent captain, shouldn't be allowed. Instead, the toss should be banned altogether and the match referee should just conduct an 'akkar bakkar bambe bo...'

If there's a possibility to bring in the umpiring crew from Brisbane, that would be fairer. Why go with the Indian ones, given they can never be trusted?


Rigorous ball scrutiny should be mandatory before the match, employing X-ray machines, as India has a notorious record of tampering with the ball and planting chips inside.

The Indian batters should be made to use 2-inch thinner bats to make the striking tough for them. Anyway, they have not been any good in this World Cup.

The match, if it still stays in Ahmedabad, the Australians should not be stuffed with biryanijalebi fafda or dhoklas. That's because the Indians have this habit of stuffing the guests to make them suffer on the field like they did to the Pakistanis in Hyderabad.

In addition to these 'out of the box methods,' the ICC must ensure that one of the two DRS reviews given to India should be transferred to Australia, which would also be a nice gesture too.

And, can you please ensure, Superstar Rajnikanth is not in the stadium?

(PS: All these strategies have been curated under the careful guidance of cricket experts from Pakistan. Employing them in a legit cricket match is not recommended, however, they might work in your gully.)

Written by: Sushim Mukul

Last updated: November 18, 2023 | 15:07
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