Is it really love? Here's how you'll know

Real love will not burn you.

 |  3-minute read |   21-11-2018
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You’re still waiting for them to reply to a text you sent 12 hours ago.

You’re stalking their every move on Facebook, checking their ‘last seen’ multiple times a day.

You’ve experienced jealousy to the point of madness and lost all self-control.

When you’re with them, you’re in heaven and hell simultaneously.

tinder_112018062212.jpgStalking their every move on social media can be unhealthy.(Photo: Reuters)

The idea of love — pure, selfless, unconditional — is very different from the one you’re experiencing. This love is warped, adulterated with jealousy, anger, and possessiveness.

You crave this feeling as much as you fear it. You know it’s twisted — hell, even your body knows it: Breath agonising. Heart pounding. Mind swirling. Stomach churning. Teeth aching. Eyes watering.

This love is maddening, defeating, pure suffering.

Sounds familiar?

I’ve been where you are.

And, today, I’m here to give you a reminder: this constant obsession, restlessness, insecurity — this heartburn is not love.

The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.

Real love is not perfect or even easy. But I’ll tell you one thing real love is not: selfish.

Real love will not make you feel like the worst version of yourself.

Real love will not burn you. It will not make you feel like you’re writhing on a bed of nails, grasping for control, greedy like a dog for affection. Real love will not call you at 2am in the night, just because they’re horny, but ignore you at 2pm in the afternoon, because they don’t need you then.

Real love will not ignore your texts for days, and then come back to you when they’re bored.

Real love is communication, not withdrawal.

Real love is freedom, not possession.

Real love is respect, not submission.

Real love is partnership, not inequality.

Real love is friendship.

Real love relaxes your body and makes your soul feel at peace. There’s none of that burning heartache, no anxiety, and no sleepless nights.

I learnt this the hard way: for real love to come your way, you need to love yourself — fiercely, unconditionally, and with complete abandon. Glorify in the majesty of your self, in the beauty of your being. Love yourself. Take care of yourself.

love_112018062508.jpgReal love is not perfect or easy (Photo: Reuters)

Build a universe that belongs completely to you. Fall in love with how you derive peace from reading, how strong your body is at weightlifting, how driving makes you feel alive, how you love the smell of coffee shops. Fall in love with your own self.

Because when you start loving and recognising those tiny bits of yourself — the ones that make you you — you don’t accept anything other than what you truly deserve. You begin to have very high expectations, because you know what you’re worth. You stop settling for anything less.

When you open yourself up to the world in this way — uncompromising yet graceful — you attract admiration. And real love.

And you begin to realise that real love will not burn you.

It will make you a better version of yourself. It will challenge you. It will make you fly.

It will save you.

It will heal you.

And it will be so, so worth it. 

Also Read: Why I think losing childhood friends is hurtful, yet liberating


Soven Trehan Soven Trehan @soven_trehan

Author is a marketing and communications professional, who enjoys writing feature reviews on films, TV series, books, and restaurants.

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