Love between a younger man and older woman is finding acceptance, but not in India
Love is complex. Not only the attempts to define it are utterly futile, but setting boundaries to it is equally pointless.
Love does not adhere to any limits. When someone is in love, age, weight, height, currency in the bank account and even distance are mere numbers. Love seeks fulfilment — physical, emotional and intellectual fulfilment, and it can be found in anyone, irrespective of their gender or the years they have lived on this planet.
Such is the love story of the recently elected President of France, Emmanuel Macron, and his wife Brigitte Trogneux, as if taken out of a classic French romance novel. It is not only unconventional, but promising.
She was Macron’s drama teacher whom he wanted to marry when he was just 16. She was not only 24 years his senior but also married and had three children. Macron was her daughter’s classmate and just two years younger to her first child. With an age dynamics like this, only a man with exceptional self worth would think of defying the norm.
In a documentary Emmanuel Macron — The Strategy of a Star, Brigitte opens up about her bond with Macron.
It all started with when they worked together to rewrite a play. She added that she never for once felt the age difference between the two of them. Another documentary — Emmanuel Macron, behind the scenes of a victory — reveals Macron’s relationship with his wife. As per reported in The Times, the documentary shows Brigitte as a “protective, critical and ever-present” figure. However in Fulda’s biography of Macron, she is quoted as saying: “Nobody will ever know at what moment our story became a love story. That belongs to us. That is our secret.” This is the level of emotional maturity that only an older woman can provide.
Keeping the mush and marriage aside, the relationship between a younger man and an older woman is presumed to be a non-serious, no-strings-attached one. With terms like "cougars", "boy toys" and "Mrs Robinson’s syndrome", the chemistry between a younger man and an older woman is confined to a purely sexual realm. Adult websites are full of content based on cougars and MILFs (Mom I like to f**k) So much so that it has become a part of a collective male fantasy that must be fulfilled at least once in a lifetime.
The cougar or the MILF is projected as a sexually experienced woman who can initiate the younger man into a realm of sexual pleasure unknown to him. With the internet revolutionising how people date, everything is available at a click’s pace. Younger men are inclined to have a sexual partner who is more experienced and less clingy. An older woman fits these criteria perfectly.
When it comes to our society, the concept of a younger man dating or marrying an older woman is still shunned. A huge emphasis is placed on traditions rooted in patriarchy that perpetuate the idea of the man as the protector, the father figure, the patriarch and hence should be superior to the woman in every aspect.
According to the age-old norms, the man in a relationship should be more matured so that he can take all the decisions independently, is financially strong and keep the younger woman in total control. This entire system of man being older than the woman he marries stems from a culture that considered women as inferior, docile and for whom the only purpose in life was to produce children who can continue the man’s lineage.
People still believe that a marriage can only work when the man holds a superior position. It is because of this reason that relationships that don’t abide by the age norm are not accepted by the family and society whose sole agenda is to make the marriages work at any cost.
However, the Indian society is in a flux. While in rural areas the women still have a long way to go as far as crossing the boundary is concerned; the women in cities are educated, career-oriented, aware of their rights and more vocal about their wants. They can no longer be confined to the four walls of domesticity.
Not only are women coming out of the haven, but also excelling in every sphere of life. They are confident and self-reliant. The focus is more on personal and professional growth. Marriage usually takes a back seat, but they are very much into dating and definitely have an edge over their younger competition.
The younger man seeking emotional and intellectual maturity in a relationship would love to date an older woman who is not only experienced, but also more aware of her worth and potential. She has the stability about herself which a younger woman who is still trying to figure out what she wants in life lacks.
A career woman in her late 30s or 40s is professionally sound and financially independent. Not only is she sure of herself, but also of her emotions. She is articulate and open about her feelings and usually avoids the guessing game. She can nurture the capabilities of the younger man and make him grow and provide the emotional stability the man seeks.
As the threads of society’s ethical and moral fabric are loosening up, the possibilities that can make a relationship work between two people have become endless. With changing times, relationships that defy the age norm are finding acceptance in the society.
There will always be friction against a new order, but two people who look beyond the conventions and focus on fulfilment and growth will always find a way to stay together.