How matrimonial ads pushed me out of marriage market

All these years, I wasn't aware of the stiff competition I may face if I were to offer myself in the matrimony market. I am sure of my mediocrity in every mentionable category that brides-to-be are carefully presented or analysed on. The carefully-crafted sales pitches, trimmed to fit into the available advertisement spaces in the matrimonial sections of Sunday papers have a lot to do with this pitiable self-rating.

Having scanned quite a few "Wanted Grooms" ads one Sunday in a leading English newspaper I can declare that I stand nowhere. Had my family decided to give a matrimonial ad for their mediocre-by-matrimonial-standards daughter, they would have dropped the idea after deliberating upon publishable qualities. How exactly do they prepare a matrimony pitch for a daughter who is not fair, not "homely", doesn't cook food, and refuses to talk about her hobbies with every Tom, Dick and Harry? As matrimony ads would lead us to believe, such a candidate is not even eligible for matrimony applications, let alone getting considered by any "H'some boy, who works in an MNC (multinational corporation), draws a seven-figure salary, and comes from a cultured family", the kind of groom most of the families seek to impress.

Now that I am out of the race for not being "fair, slim, and homely", I have the luxury of scrutinising ads responsible for crushing my confidence. If my analysis could be considered a study of sorts, here are a few nuggets from what I observed through a small sample size of 80-odd matrimonial ads:

1. Going by the tonality of ads, the "Wanted Grooms" section can easily be renamed "Brides Offered".
2. For girls, professional achievements are summed up in words such as "working" or "well-settled", often sounding like a euphemism for another-item-in-dowry. For boys, professional standing is the main selling point. Girls rarely mention their package details, boys rarely forget to.
3. Girls' families prefer PQM (professionally qualified match) or at the most, search for a teetotaler boy depending on their eating habits. The boy's side can be specific to the last detail: from girls' educational qualification to their complexion and even height, nothing is not demandable.
4. Apparently, home-making capabilities increase girls' marriageability but not boys'. While most of the ads from the girls' families boast of their "homeliness", I found no "homely" boy up for grabs in the marriage market.

I have been to quite a few weddings fixed through matrimonial ads and have had a good time on their free delicious food and expensive drinks. Just wonder sometimes, even after paying the same fee for ads, why is it that the bride's family seems to be cowering down in front of groom's. Evidently, same fee doesn't promise the same customer status sometimes.

PS: The word "homely" used strictly in accordance with its usage in matrimonial ads. As everyone would know, a "homely" girl is a breed exclusive to the matrimonial market.