Too much they make us write for web these days. Fed up I tell you. So the day Chiki Sarkar launched her new mobile phone publishing house, I also went to my father and my old neighbourhood friend Nandan, with a solid business proposal.
My father was delighted I had acquired a business sense as any sign of sense is a rarity these days he said to him proudly.
I wanted to tell stories, I said.
Of course, of course, my daughter is a writer he said proudly to Nandan.
I will tell short stories, I said.
Of course, of course, very niche genre, he said. Raymond Carver, Truman Capote, Chekov, Vonnegut, every birthday I bought her, he said.
No, shorter, I said.
Oh of course of course new age attention spans he said, looking mildly confused.
Digital format, I said.
Of course, of course, no overheads, Kindle-enabled smart beta, he said. Like Twitter? he asked.
It will fit on your mobile phone, I said.
What like text message he asked, his tone faltering.
Some will be broadcast every night at 9, I said.
What like tele-serial prime time? He asked. I could hear him worry about being pulled between mom's mythological and mine. Difficult dinner table choices these to put a man his age in.
He began to acquire frown lines.
It will include video and illustration with stories.
Like YouTube films? He asked.
It will be real time swipeable, I said.
Like Tinder? He asked (he has been swiping left on most profiles for me in the hope I will say hanh to someone at least.)
It will also have voiceovers for audio books, I said.
Like radio? He asked, apoplectic. What are you doing, inventing the internet, he asked, slapping his knee trying to make one of those old people jokes.
So lame.
I want Rs 15 crore for it, I said. That is first instalment. I will come back for phase two I said, reasonably.
What can I say? He beat me up with a rolled up nearest newspaper with a dying circulation. I tripped over a tied bundle of unsold magazines. Then he flung unsold copies of my last would have been bestseller at me as I ran down the street. My own father.
I now live in a box on the road and have only my mobile phone.
I am a writer.
This is my struggle.
This is my first novel. It is autobiographical.
I am available for interviews and book or mobile phone signings (only iPhone 6S+ with stylus allowed) at India Today offices from 4pm onwards.