Why getting a loan is far easier than foreclosing it

GETTING A LOAN

STEP 1 

You don't really have to look for it. Usually, it comes looking for you, over five phone calls a day, in various tones, spread over both genders, suggestive that you really — really — need one, even if you haven't thought about it.

Fore-closing a loan

STEP 1/156 

You will get a rather rude email from the bank — as if it's a crime to foreclose a loan and deprive them of the outrageous interest they will lose. So, they will put in surprise charges that no one told you about — but it was all always hidden in the 60-page booklet that they made you sign without reading — and then forgot to send you a copy.

Ooops.

STEP 3 

The list formalities include an affidavit, an authorisation form, some annexure and an annexure to the annexure. All to be signed by you and 30 witnesses — just in case you pay up and then leave the country.

STEP 4  

Now that you have all the paperwork in place, you are politely told by the call centre executive in the most abrupt two-word sentence — "Nearest branch"

STEP 5 

So, you slip out of office during that 15-minute lunch-break — where you can decide to either have lunch or do your bank work — and reach the nearest branch. On arrival, the man behind the counter looks at you as if you’re an alien who has landed on the wrong planet. Apparently, yes, this is the bank — but here, they only handle insurance matters. You are advised to go to the next branch which turns out to handle only investments.

So, after visiting seven branches spread over 40 sq km, you are informed that only the city's main branch will handle this.

By now, you have travelled by two metros, an auto-rickshaw, a cycle rickshaw and a cab. Not to mention, you also have used up your entire quota of walking for the year. By now, you have covered 38 floors over all buildings, talked to 10 guards, five strangers and eight bank front desk executives.

STEP 6 

You now reach the first floor and meet a pleasant, smiling young lady called Payal who takes your papers — and is back in a second with a stamped receipt. You're just done in flat five minutes — which means that you now need to give them a five-star rating after you have clicked on the feedback link that comes in a message and takes you to a page which looks like this:

(Tick one or all of the options in the event that you can read it)  

Also read: 10 kinds of people I have met at an ATM queue, thanks to demonetisation