10 kinds of people I have met at an ATM queue, thanks to demonetisation
1) Slime-ball 2.0: Usually very active and is all over the place trying to guess if the machine is working, has enough notes and if the network is not getting overstressed, apart from getting as close to the number two position in the queue, from the 60th position where he currently is.
2) Aakashvanian: This character has an opinion on anything, be it the chaiwalla that just passed by or the US post-election debate to Mrs Sharma's dog. The good part is that he will speak non-stop and not even bother that no one is listening to him.
3) Gumsumji: Anyone may assume he is dumb, I mean literally, though his facial expressions and hand movements are not to be missed. Okay, you can look away when he is having his occasional go at his crotch.
4) 59+(-)60: He has either grown up too fast or just feels he is on the borderline between youth and senior citizenship. Considering that he still cannot decide which side of the fence he is on, he has his hair dyed jet black but insists on standing in the senior citizen's line, while running his X-ray vision through the 18-year-old down the line.
5) Pass-Pass: This specimen lacks any idea of space and most likely lived his entire life in a small pond inhabited with a billion fish. If you in front of him, you can actually feel every part of his body and if your back was a xerox machine, he would have a perfect portrait with relief included. He fears that if even a millimetre of space was left between you and him, the entire neighbourhood may make their way in between.
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| You can't miss them. (Photo: Reuters) |
6) Agony Aunt: She is the only one who has an emergency and from a few people, we soon discover she is a regular. Every day there is an emergency, no one knows exactly what it is but she has worked hard on her facial expressions and voice, so anyone will believe they can actually hear the siren of an ambulance buzzing in their head every time she says anything.
7) Socio-anti-social: People need to help him navigate to the right direction of the queue as his eyes are fixed on his phone screen. He can respond to Twitter, Facebook chat, video call or sms all at one go. Never tell him you're going to drink water because he has never seen anyone's face in the entire line, so when you come back to stand in your place he may have a blank look and everyone else will think you are jumping the queue.
8) Ash-chick: You can't miss the shiny, nylon rose pink T-shirt and skin-tight jeans that don't even make it down to his ankle. Apart from the fact that he is constantly touching himself and setting his hair. He is convinced that he is the hottest thing since the sun. Assumes that every girl or women or grandmother is looking only at him with a lustful eye. Don't look into his eyes, or you will see red roses instead of pupils.
9) Nationalisdick: He is the epitome of being Indian - there is no one else around with such a high level of patriotism running through his veins. By mistake, if you say your legs are paining after standing in line for four hours, he will remind you of soldiers on the border and make you feel worthless. Don't persist - he works on a progression, from calling you anti-national to finally sending you to an ATM in Pakistan.
10) Nice biscuit: He is the social worker and will listen to everyone's personal problems and empathise with them, soon helping the old lady pick up her walking stick to getting you chai and pani. The less you say the better as he can get quite carried away and may walk you home or hug you in public.