Nearly forgot my broken heart: Chris Cornell’s death is a harrowing loss to me
Death of a rock or pop star tends to grow on one's mind, often driving one to a contemplative zone. Something similar happened to me on the morning of May 18. On my way to work, a friend called to say, “Chris Cornell is dead.”
The news brought back a cascade of memory slides, those of growing up with rock and roll, and months, days and hours spent immersed in unadulterated music of Cornell. Apart from the sudden bombardment of reminiscence, a part of me felt numb, as if on the verge of paralysis.
One of the pioneers of grunge music - Christopher John Boyle - is dead, it hit me.
The phenomenon called "Chris Cornell" began in 1984 and ended in 2017. Regardless of the inevitable loss, his music will always find its place in playlists around the world.
His absence weighs down heavy on us; it feels as if the lead singer of the band Soundgarden has no garden to walk in, and no songs to croon and make us swoon. His sudden and unexpected death makes one feel as if there are a lot of things still left undone, so much music now orphaned.
The loss is unsettling; it always has been, be it Nirvana's Kurt Cobain who died in 1994, or Alice in Chains' Layne Staley who died on April 5, 2002, eight years to the day Kurt Cobain committed suicide. Another one too has found a grave now.
Being a kid who grew up in the '90s, consuming mainstream music mostly aired on radio channels in India was a prescribed way of life. How else do you fit in? Getting hands on pirated music CDs full of Bollywood songs was part of the routine, seeking validation in more ways than one can count.
But one finely turned-out day, a god-sent friend passed on a CD full of English songs. I was fortunate to have discovered rock music that day. In those formative years, with no knowledge of genres and artists, I could have taken a liking to pop music or rap. But in the grand scheme of things, perhaps, I was destined to be enamoured by rock. I did not choose it, it chose me.
From Nirvana to Soundgarden, it was a treasure trove. You can rave about "Black Hole Sun" all day long which is also my first Soundgarden track. It starts with guitars and then you wait for the drummer and Cornell to come in. Cornell's magic envelopes you in divinity.
Unlike today, where we have unlimited internet access and one could find the lyrics in a fraction of a second, those days were difficult. With each new song the desire to unearth the lyrics and themes grew stronger.
"Hang my head drown my fear, 'til you all just disappear." Yes, that changed the equation for me. My interest in music pushed me to explore several genres, and grunge music was one of the findings that had a lasting impression on my heart and soul.
Life lessons were a real thing when I was just 15. My first Audioslave song really told me to "drive somewhere before things drive me insane".
"You may win or lose, but to be yourself is all that you can do." I tried to follow this from the moment I heard "Be Yourself" by Audioslave. Life changes once you come closer to good art. And Cornell made it happen for me, along with many of his contemporaries like Eddie Vedder and Andy Wood.
My lessons were not simply contained in academic books, I was learning life without the knowledge that I was doing so. As I grew up, I realised that these powerful lyrics have a really deep meaning, waiting to be deciphered.
Coming back to the death of the pioneer of grunge, several reports have surfaced suggesting a case of suicide. But when you think, it doesn’t really matter. He is long gone, perhaps some like me may claim we feel cheated that he's no more. Well, folks like me will just have to suck it up and deal with it - as neither Cobain, nor Cornell really cared – if at all he killed himself.
The fact is, Cornell is dead, and we shall dedicate a night to remember his art, regardless of the cause of his death.
And like Cornell said:
Well, I've been watching, while you've been coughing.
I've been drinking life, while you've been nauseous.
And so I drink to health, while you kill yourself.
And I've got just one thing that I can offer,
GO ON AND SAVE YOURSELF.