Leave me alone: All your Rahul Gandhi vacation questions answered

Monday is officially the worst day of the week, forever suffixed by blues. This says less about Monday than it does about us, as people. We do not like work, which makes us what we are and gives us different identities and gives us the second most important question: "So, what do you do?" Well, I work for the party and reflect on its future. But this genuinely sincere answer draws ridicule just because it's Monday and people are in a bad mood. We love Sunday so much that we begin thanking god on Friday. Monday is to moan about how bad your office is and how you need a longer break. And be jealous of the one who begins his holidays on a Monday.

The Budget session started on Monday, the day even the laziest of parliamentarians attend Parliament to sleep through the President's speech. Congress vice-president Rahul Gandhi was supposed to have led his party from the front in the Budget session, because politicians work seasonally and only occasionally. He wrote to the president of the party, and sought leave for some days to reflect on the days leading to this Monday. The party president earnestly approved his leave.

They did not consider that people are essentially jealous pieces of jellies, especially those who have to work to earn a weekly holiday. We have no idea where did he come from and where did he go, where did he come from Cotton-Eye Joe, but jaundice-eyed social media went berserk pouring scorn on what is a regular Monday in Joe's life.

People jealous of Rahul Gandhi's life are comparing him to the kid who complains of stomach ache on the first day of school after a long winter break. They started asking questions they had answers to but wanted it from the noble Congress worker. That's dishonest. Here is a selection of popular questions and their popular answers, till date hidden from the public eye. 

1) "Why did he go on leave on the day the Budget session begins?"

Nice question. But do you seek leave from school when the school is closed? Exactly, Sherlock! This was the first day after a long time that he was expected to be there. He, being a thorough professional, decided to apply for leave instead of being AWOL. His boss granted the leave in good faith. 

2) "Was he not on a long leave already?"

No leave is long enough. You are just jealous. 

3) "Rahul Gandhi is taking a vacation?! From what?"

From work, idiots! He has been on a vacation, and in order to not interrupt that vacation, he took another vacation. Is it confusing enough? 

4) "What is 'reflecting on the party's future'? Why does he need to ask for leave when reflecting on the party's future is his job? Why would one take leave from party work to do party work?"

There are two kinds of parties. One is the Congress party, which has only a few reasons to party. Then there are parties on Mexican beaches. Those are the ones that need reflecting on. 

5) "Why are some people hinting at Rahul hitting rehab?"

Don't mix issues in a cocktail you can't handle. It's the Congress party that needs rehabilitation. 

6) "How do you 'reflect'?"

You sit under a banyan tree. Take a mirror, and the mirror does the reflecting. 

7) "What happens after you are done with the reflecting?"

You quit. Siddhartha became Buddha. Left his wife, children and a sprawling kingdom behind and became the Buddha. Rahul has no wife, children and his kingdom is already lost… so he's already quite Buddha. 

8) "Main kya karoon Ram, mujhe Buddha mil gaya?"

New number, who dis?