Declare Modi a prototype for God

THE CYNICNov 25, 2016 | 20:42

Declare Modi a prototype for God

India is going digital, there is a massive push to change a cash-driven economy to a cashless state, and the impetus for this radical move comes right from the top.

With his imagination ignited and excited by the immense possibilities of digitisation, a 14-year-old school boy came up with a unique suggestion. He has asked - why not digitise the Indian political system? Why not have a digital Parliament and digital ministers, and why not a digital prime minister?


This young boy, who will be eligible to vote in four years time, was not building castles in the air, he came up with solutions for the digitisation processes. Taking cues from the teachings and sermons of the current non-digitised prime minister, he has drawn up the plans for a paperless administration supporting maximum governance.

The boy has named his system Managing Operations of Digital India or MODI, and here is how it is supposed to work.

When a child is born, the hospital, using the Join Bharat App, records the birth on a national database and a unique 18-digit Mera Bharat Mahan (MBM) ID is generated and a smartphone is issued to the child. The MBM becomes a lifelong partner for every citizen and all details till death gets linked to this unique number.

As the child grows up, various apps document the process using the MBM - how many tins of baby food were consumed, which brand, which school the child attended, what were the marks in Sanskrit and so on. On the child's 18th birthday, a very important app downloads itself automatically on the young citizen's smartphone - the Patriot Aggregation and Accounting Protocol app, or the PAAP app.


Every Indian eligible to vote would have PAAP enabling the citizen to be directly responsive in choosing and participating in the governance of the country. Every five years, on a fixed date, the PAAP app, which would be GPS-enabled, to track location of the citizen, would open up a window for voting. All the candidates in that constituency would be listed and the citizen would be able to tick on the person of choice.

Why not have a digital Parliament and digital ministers, and why not a digital prime minister? (Picture: Twitter)

At 5.01pm, exactly 60 seconds after the polling window shuts, the results would flash across smartphones all over India. Every smartphone owner, that is every voting citizen, would get to see who won in that constituency, as well as the total results in figures.

The MBM ID for those who did not punch in their votes would automatically get tagged for investigation. Within 24 hours, the bank accounts of such people would be frozen and they would have to download the So Sorry App to explain why they did not vote. Those whose excuses get accepted would have their accounts unlocked after paying a token 18 per cent of available savings account balance as service charge + applicable VAT + 3.5 per cent Great India surcharge.


Those whose excuses don't make the cut pay a fine of 50 per cent of their income for the next five years + applicable VAT + 4.5 per cent Greater India surcharge. The amount would automatically get debited annually from the citizen's account.

36 hours after the first-year penalty gets deducted, the locked account would get released. In case the balance is not adequate to cover penalty, ownership of equivalent value assets of the erring citizens would be transferred to the Greatest India Fund Tax, or GIFT account of the government of India.

The elections itself would be based on the multi-party system where each registered political party gets access to the Digital Election Commission App or DECA. The candidates put up by the political parties would be digital versions of an ideal candidate.

On DECA, each party would build a VC, or Virtual Candidate, for every seat it wishes to contest. Each VC gets built on an artificial intelligence platform, taking into consideration the stated policies of the party and the promises it wants to make to the constituency, as well as to the larger cause of the nation.

In the case of General Elections, a winning VC would become a member of the Digitised Parliament of India. The VC would then be termed as Virtual Indian Parliamentarian, or VIP, thus fulfilling the most important criteria of being a lawmaker. The party that gets the most number of VIPs gets to form the government.

The winning party VIPs would then select one amongst them, using a top-secret algorithm based on best practices of the MODI protocol, to be the Guarantor Of Democracy or GOD, a post equivalent to that of the PM now.

As per the MODI protocol, for the next five years GOD and the VIPs would govern India, as per the declared manifesto of the governing party. Every citizen would receive daily updates on the Desh Ki Baat app, an app that cannot be deleted, muted or kept on silent. At 9am and 9pm every day, all smartphones across India would relay the updates in GOD's own virtual voice.

At 2pm every day, there would be a survey that would pop up on every smartphone through the Aggregate General Record of Error and Efficiency, or the AGREE app. All citizens would have to answer three questions related to the functioning of GOD and his VIP colleagues. Each question would have three possible answers to chose from:

1. Totally agree, 2. Slightly agree, and 3. Don't know.

The 14-year-old boy who has come up with the MODI system of governance is still working out the details of the day-to-day functioning of GOD and other important apps, like for events when GOD would go on foreign trips and meet world leaders, or when GOD would remain silent.

The boy is keenly following the workings of the present government and keeping a close watch on the prime minister. According to him, in his vision of a Digital India, there can be no better prototype of GOD than Narendra Modi.


Last updated: November 25, 2016 | 20:42
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