OK Jaanu will flop. Because of its name

DailyTripJan 03, 2017 | 21:18

OK Jaanu will flop. Because of its name

OK Jaanu has great potential. It's a remake of an already successful Tamil film. Director Shaad Ali has previously done a fabulous remake, Saathiya. The music is melodious. The only thorn in this rosy picture is its title. OK Jaanu.

The original was OK Kanmani, but OK didn't mean OK but O Kadhal. It was O Kadal Kanmani. So logically, it should have been O Jaanu, which is equally ridiculous. Jaanu literally drags it down to Company Bagh Meerut. Sweet f*cking nothings.

These endearments are not particularly endearing to the masses, because they aren't aspirational enough. It's something even they are tired of. Here's a list of turd-class sweet nothings that we have had enough of.

Judge people if they use these, except in reverse-snobbery situations, and unfriend them. The following need to be removed from the list of acceptable words.

Jaanu: It's babyfication of the word jaan, which means life. A meaningful word and quite romantic if you are into that kind of language. It has life. Jaana is even better and jaan-e-jaana brings some medieval charm to the language. But jaanu? In fact, you suffix a word with "u" to make it cute like a baby, not cute like a lover. What kind of people are romantic with kids?

Pooch, Poochie, Poochu: I know your guy wags his imaginary tail when you are around. He may even be getting your morning newspaper and pleading for a treat. But he's a dog. Call him that. A grown dog is a dog, not a pupper. Be a woman and stop calling him pooch. Call him a dog. Same thing, a little more respect.

Sugar: Yeah. Abu Azmi just said sugar attracts ants. Why not syrup? Vinegar? Salt? Kaali mirch? I know she is a thing and she is sweet but can you stop calling your woman jaggery? This was fine in 19th century and tolerable till the 20th. But time you knew sugar is white poison and it will kill you.

Terms of endearment like Jaanu, Shona and Pushy need to be removed from the list of acceptable words. [Photo: PTI]

Honey: Of course, you can't call him/her by name and you need to objectify her for your exclusive use, but can we all come to the 21st century, please? Because, the only authentic honey today is sold by Ramdev. There's a reason he doesn't have a hon.

Shona: This is the mishti mashup from Bengal. It's sona or gold. Well, gold isn't rare anymore and everybody has some gold wrapped around her fingers. She is precious, but a metal sold in 10-gram units? Babu shona? Like you it’s feeding time? Call him uranium for all you care! Au-ch!

Sweetu: The babyfied sweetie. Because you can't love a grown-up human being for some psychological hangover, you have to turn your partner into a child. Baby! Alle mela bachcha. What kind of perversion does this perpetuate? You know what kind.

Pushy: Everyone knows she is pushy. She has pushed almost everyone and your life out of your life. But for her sake, don't call her that. It's rude.

PS: OK Jaanu will likely flop. Blame the name.

Last updated: January 03, 2017 | 21:18
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