Give Rahul Gandhi a mauka. He may be cheering for Team India in World Cup

So, Rahul Gandhi did not return today. At least not as of evening, when Parliament broke for a recess. Media reports had speculated that he would be back today (March 20). Today, incidentally, is the last day of the Budget session of Parliament before it reconvenes a month later. So while the timing of the return made sense, logically and coincidentally, speculations remained speculations. Now, I am not exactly a betting person. But can we reach a consensus that it could be the month-end? You will, of course, as why. Ask, then.

Here's why: The cricket World Cup gets over on March 29. And since India won the quarter-final with such ease, despite the hiccups now being alluded to by the International Cricket Council's president, a Bangladeshi national who perhaps needs a sabbatical himself, chances are Gandhi reckons India would go all the way to the final.

So is he in Australia, you ask? Last heard, no one had heard from him. But one of the Pacific islands cannot be ruled out. I mean look up "Pacific islands" on Google Map, and it points to something called "Pacific Islands Forum Secretariat", a location on the southern tip of Fiji. It is surrounded by acres of blue even on my 20-inch computer screen. Until you zoom out-like, well, really zoom out. At which point Australia emerges on your left, with Brisbane on outside right flank of the Australia map. And if you draw a straight line that's really straight without going a bit upward midway through it, chances are you will reach Brisbane from that Fiji location, skirting a collision with New Caledonia.

What better location to think and ideate and switch on your brain cells, I ask you. (No offence meant, of course. I make the last part of the remark for myself, since I, too, feel the need to go to a remote location to test the strength of my phone signal, check whether Star Sports 1 is available there, and assess the strength of the cells doing things inside my head.)

Now, you might say there's little reason to believe Rahul Gandhi would do all this nonsense. I will agree. There's a high chance (60 per cent or thereabouts, according to sources close to MCBC, or Mathematically Challenged Bookkeepers' Council) that he took a printout of both the World Cup schedule and a map of the said Pacific zone. And then tore both printouts into pieces in utter frustration and disdain-for being in a constant state of utter frustration and disdain ever since the feeling of frustration and disdain entered his emotional chord. I can guess with some amount of confidence that he uttered "utter nonsense" while tearing up the printouts, at which point he realised that he still had not finalised a location to "reflect upon the recent events and course of the party", as Congress leaders who share their vice-president's reflection of all events (recent or distant) and course (off or on or yet-to-be-charted) put it.

So how on bleeding earth do I know that Rahul Gandhi is in either a) Australia, b) Fiji, or c) any Pacific island, you ask? At which point I will tell you that I don't know. For all I know, he could have flown to Peru or Paris. But since I do not know the details, I will not pinpoint either Peru or Paris, which are pretty far from Australia and New Zealand, where the World Cup is being played.

And how in the name of sanity do I know he is watching the World Cup in stadiums, you ask? To that, I will tell you that I don't know. He could well be watching it on Star Sports 1, 2, 3 or 4, given his choice of language and preference (or otherwise) for HD channels.

He could well have done that sitting in Delhi, could he have not? Of course, you are right, and I will also tell you confidentially that I did not advise him to go to either Australia or Pacific Islands Forum Secretariat-the location in southern Fiji from where Brisbane is a straight line, unless you bowl an in-swinging yorker while drawing that line from northwest to southeast on a flat page and the said line arches towards the aforesaid New Caledonia island - or Peru or Paris. I was only reflecting upon the recent events and course of Rahul Gandhi's leave of absence.

In other words, speculating and deliberating on Gandhi's sabbatical. And doing both sitting here in the capital.