Friends with benefits - is it even possible?
“Men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way"
- Harry in When Harry met Sally.
This is perhaps the most complicated statement ever made in the history of relationships. Many books have been written, many movies have been made on this theme and many debates are held over it.
It is hard to take sides because no matter how you look at it, the statement remains a half-truth. A more positive statement would be: men and women can be friends even if the sex part gets in the way. We even have a term for it: fuck buddies or friends with benefits.
Our society is undergoing a major flux. Relationships/marriages are taking a backseat mainly because of the level of emotional, mental and financial investment they demand. One has to compromise a lot, and sometimes at every level because finding a perfect partner that would just fit into your mould is still a myth, and will probably remain so.
Ambition, freedom and individuality are the markers of the present generation and why not. One has to carve one’s own space in a world that has started to understand only one language: power. The young seek power that is achieved by constantly raising one’s social and economic stature in life.
There is cut-throat competition while the road to the top gets narrower with each step. In such a scenario, where young people are already loaded and drained with the pressure of the ambitious career choices they make, a relationship/marriage seems like an additional liability.
This is the age of casual sex. With dating apps on an all time high and easy, non-clingy sex is just round the corner. However, the concept of fuck buddies is still sidelined, mainly because most people think it corrupts friendships.
What if sex between friends who understand each other does not change the dynamics of the relationship? It is so much better than landing up having sex with people from dating apps whom you know nothing about.
With a friend, it is all about the comfort. Friends are not only comfortable with each other’s nature and mind but also body. You can be totally yourself with a great friend without having any kind of body image/shaming issues hanging over the head.
It is much easier to express one’s sexual needs and desires to a friend than to someone you’ve recently met via the internet. This is a grey area, which has the benefits of both black and white - enjoying great sex while retaining freedom. There is no ownership, jealousy or responsibility of keeping up with the expectations of a lover.
Like all relationships, being fuck buddies come with a set of guidelines. The first and foremost rule of being friends with benefits is keeping love at bay. This is all about comfortable safe sex. There is no place for love.
A sexual relationship between friends becomes problematic when one of them falls in love with the other. If you feel there are chances of heartbreak, better not go into this lane.
Secondly, never get clingy or demanding. This is not an affair or a kinky relationship. You cannot expect a fuck buddy to be your sex slave. Having sex with a friend does not mean increasing the proximity suddenly. Maintaining comfort and space is important.
Thirdly, make sure the friend with whom you are about to have sex is STD-free. There are certain viruses like HPV, genital herpes and syphilis that even condoms are not able to prevent. Ensure your safety first.
Fourthly, friends with benefits come with an expiration date. Eventually friends move on to have stable partners. That is the time to bid goodbye without throwing, “Oh I know your guy/gal better” tantrum.
Lastly and most importantly, consent is king. Never force a friend to have sex with you. Sex is a beautiful exploration of the self and the other. Enjoy it safe while it lasts and then wish them well.