Porn vs Piety: This sanskaari app is putting the 'Om' in 'orgasm'!
Shh...
We’re talking sex, but if you’re hearing bhajans at the background, then that’s precisely why we’re talking sex.
So, porn addiction in India has apparently become so big — yup — that we need to evoke the gods to save us from it.
Except, in a post-Kalyug world, gods can be summoned through apps, available in the comforts of your smartphones, or even downloaded via a browser extension.
One such dukh harta sukh (also) harta app — Har Har Mahadev — is available for free downloads on your app store.
Basically, the app blocks suspicious content, and by 'suspicious', we mean of a sexual nature. Picture yourself browsing through social media and landing upon a link — it could be a cute dog video, or a video of a baby tasting lemons for the first time — oh, goody, you think and click on it.
Well, galat jawab — it was a malicious link and you’re now being redirected to a porn site.
Ghor kalyug!
That’s where Har Har Mahadev comes in.
The website blocker will simply block the path and prevent you from being redirected.
Now, if you are particularly promiscuous in nature, this app knows how to bring you back to God’s path as well. Once installed, the app will automatically start playing bhajans and devotional songs as the user tries to open a porn site.
No, the app is not named after the Hindu god, Shiva, because of the phallic symbol he stands for. Because that would really not make sense. It is named after Shiva because he is believed to have the power to protect one from social evils. Or, social media evils, in this case.
Yet, we did watch irony die a brutal death that moment when a (metaphorical) penis became the symbol of an app that is supposed to discourage you from watching porn.
Conceptualised by Dr Vijay Nath Mishra, who is described as “Notable Neurologist & Sociologist, Social Awakener” on the official website of the app — just not that kind of an awakener — and designed by Ankit Srivastava, the web developer and coder, the app promises to save you from the disturbing effects of the objectionable and inappropriate material available on the Internet today.
“From pornography and vulgarity to violence and sadistic content, we come across material that we wish never existed. Therefore, we offer safe content filtering that empowers you and your family to use the World Wide Web without any worries and concerns! We promise to make your web experience a happy one!”
Now that’s another kind of ‘happy ending.’ You don’t say!
Weird, just plain silly and perhaps the most ridiculous interpretation of the Pavlov’s Dog conditioning — and a ‘psychic secretion’ of sorts — you can call this app a million things. But religious biases, it does not hold.
Non-Hindus will be hearing chants and songs pertaining to their religion — for example, if a Muslim tries to access a porn site, 'Allah o Akbar' will be played instead of bhajans.
The app will soon make room for people from other religions as well — wait till you have Sachin Tendulkar yell “Haila! Porn!” for those who follow cricket!
The app, however, has clearly overlooked three major points that pretty much makes it redundant.
For starters, why would a porn addict install a shackle of an app, unless they’re into BDSM?
Secondly, when have statutory warnings ever stopped smokers from drawing a puff?
But more importantly, who watches porn with the volume turned on? And if it’s on mute, who cares if it's bhajans or Koffee With Karan in the background?