When rejection meets rage: Many men deal with rejection not with understanding, but with anger and huge violence

Vichitra Amarnathan
Vichitra AmarnathanJul 07, 2019 | 10:57

When rejection meets rage: Many men deal with rejection not with understanding, but with anger and huge violence

Men need to understand that being told no can be handled with maturity and moving on. It does not have to involve violence on women, sheer anger and acid attacks.

Women do say no to men sometimes if they dare to — but it comes at a heavy price.

I just learnt about a young man in Mangalore who stabbed his ‘partner’ twelve times in public because she denied him something (he also stabbed himself... oh well!). The 20-year-old’s only 'mistake' was that she wanted to end their relationship. In the same link, you will see another story about a man in Shahjahanpur (in May this year) who raped and threw acid on his girlfriend of five years because she wanted to break up with him.

But then, these are relationships gone sour.

I can’t count the number of times women have been attacked for even rejecting unwanted advances by men.

According to a 2017 report by USA today, around 250 to 300 acid attacks are reported every year in India.

india-love_070119062248.jpgIt's all hugs now. What about later? (Photo: Reuters)

Rejection and men don’t go together.

I’ve rejected some men in my life and, God knows, I’ve been rejected many times — but how we deal with it is entirely up to us. In a society where feminism has become an abusive word (I am often greeted with ‘f*** you, feminist’ on social media) and misogyny runs deep, the right of choice lies with the man. When a man lays eyes on a woman, it’s almost as if she should be grateful and dote on him because she is his 'property' now. How on earth can she say no? Did SHE reject HIM? A lesser being said ‘no’?

Who the hell does she think she is?

Enter dissonance — everything that men have been taught, the way they’ve been wired from birth comes crashing down. Enter strange coping mechanisms. Who pays the price? The sisters of the sisters already spurned.

Luckily, not all of us get raped, attacked by acid or stabbed grievously or murdered.

Look at us — look at what we are thankful for now!

sexual_abuse_pti_1_070119062806.jpgNo, don't use acid. Please: Women are entitled to their right to say No and not getting attacked in doing so. (Photo: PTI)

We deal with other things — like revenge porn, if you will. In fact, things have gone a step further and there is now apparently an app called Deepnude that will let people undress women's regular photos and create fake nudes. More revenge porn! We also deal with men who are emotionally unavailable, who play elaborate games, who feel threatened by women who can hold their own. The dates will happen, they’ll tell you, you're attractive, the whole dance begins and goes on until you find that you’re feeling empty because there is no emotional connect.

This person is distant and you’re arm candy at best.

After a reasonable time, you’re fed mumbo-jumbo on the lines of ‘I was once in love and she broke my heart. I can’t love another.’

Or there’s a breed of ‘fuccbois who simply keep chasing you and dropping big, bold hints. You want to run in the opposite direction from this sort because, well, the story is the same. They’ve been rejected — their mantra is to now sleep around as much as they possibly can and massage their broken ego. The best way to deal with this breed is to confront them. Ask them if they are interested and they’ll react with something like ‘Whatever gave you that impression? Me? You? Never.’ They’ll give up. Good riddance.

How can I forget the type who say that you’re great and perfect but not the one — after like two years? And some will tell you that I saw you and you’re like family so marry me or else... What was it? Is something written on my face? Women are human beings and you normally try and get to know human beings.

At least that’s my approach.

paraqueservemastuasf_070119063520.jpgTogether? Should you be with someone who doesn't respect you, simply to not be alone? (Photo: Reuters)

I think broken men are the most harmful because they haven’t been taught how to put themselves back together.

I’m sorry for them.

Hurt people hurt people. We really owe it to each other to heal and also understand equality before we engage with people. It's necessary for men to get rid of toxic masculinity for their own sake and of course for women. Until then, the best choice women have is to protect themselves from hurt and broken men.   

There’s also something to be said about feminism. Until feminism takes off, ladies, amongst you and men, it’s going to be tough to experience love in a manner that’s truly fulfilling because without equality and respect, there is no love to be had.

I’ll leave you with a question — what is love without respect?

And would you settle for something that is lesser than what you deserve just to not be alone?

Last updated: July 07, 2019 | 10:57
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