Dear BJP, what were you thinking?

I had been thinking diligently. Very diligently to make an earnest choice. It was that time of the year (thanks to some pseudo-aspirational antics of the MufflerMan), time to vote. Again, yay.

As much as I have been repulsed by the apparent humility wrapped in that topi and muffler and the saccharine-spilled monologues on the radio, I have been exorbitantly nauseated by the frolics of BJP (Should I even begin writing about Rahul Gandhi’s Congress?)

But BJP, seriously? Did you not realise that you were strolling towards this reprehensible defeat? You didn’t sense it? You, the masters of this game of politics.

Not when you got the prime minister of the country to campaign for a chief minister in the national capital? Not when he banged his head on the wall while using words like "bhagoda", Naxalite and "badnaseeb"? Not when he wore that infamous 10 lakh suit while this “humble” underdog ambled around Delhi with the same muffler draped around his neck every day.

From underdog, one gets reminded how the BJP won the 2014 Lok Sabha. By projecting Mr. Prime Minister as a "chaiwala", a hard working, down to earth man of the "mitti" (and thanks to Mani Shankar for some extra votes there). How could you have forgotten your own strategy? One that Kejriwal adopted very immaculately with his beautifully crafted, most favourite, used-and-abused quote “main bohot chota admi hu”. What did the arrogance get you? Oh, 3 seats.

Did you not realise that your master-I-cannot-stop-rambling-I-am-a-super-cop-stroke could have catapulted if not taught some nuances of politics and not governance first? That projecting a cop, however successful, would shoo away the petrified lower class and the lawyer community (in this case). Didn’t you also realise you were losing votes in thousands every time your supercop CM candidate unbolted inane ideas from that Crane Bedi mouth (tamasha, sob-sob, anyone)? Or your party spokepersons splattered their venomous arrogance on various news debates? "Haraamkhor, bandar, zehreela, chor". Phew! And how the “humble” yet astute man used these abuses to his advantage. Trotting from channel to channel, radio, TV, hoardings or otherwise and still plastering apologies in attempt to be yes, “humble”!

What about when you thought a not-so-positive campaign would work in Delhi? How could you not have changed your strategy for the capital, a more touching or even slightly intelligent route? When you went on demeaning the MufflerMan on newspaper ads, asking those very unusable five-questions, attacking his caste, making him more vulnerable yet stronger than ever. Not realising your vote share’s making tectonic shifts? Master strategist Amit Shah, epic fail?

Your “Northeastern immigrants” manifesto fiasco, the “ghar wapsi” conducts, love jihad regression, the ingenious Sakshi Maharajs and likes, bringing in the supercop 20 days before the D-day, vicious campaign, were all these not tossing you into the pit of defeat?

Although, still not swept by the jhaadu, but the “humble” Delhi man won this unprecedented, momentous election based on bijli, paani, pyaaz ka rate and the likes. So much so that Dilliwalas actually pardoned him for his histrionic 49-day debacle. Did they even have a choice? Casteism, mudslinging, polarisation, and your usual policies got you to your most disgraceful loss ever. Just nine months after that chest thumping victory. This isn’t Haryana or Jharkhand. This is Delhi, change your ways or please make way.