How gay matrimonial helped me find a match but not the one

Harish Iyer
Harish IyerJun 17, 2015 | 14:33

How gay matrimonial helped me find a match but not the one

So, I am dating.

Yes, I found a "match" (out of quite a few others) through the "gay matrimonial ad" my mother put out in Mid-Day last month.

But, hold your horses.

Post "the ad", life has been a mixed bag. Though my mother's inbox was flooded with "applications", I got a glimpse of just how many are living with a stone in their chests. One could say that some were simply in a difficult stage of their lives, stuck deep in the closet, looking for a little ray of hope that this advertisement unintentionally provided.

And then there were hate mails, dime a dozen! And, some sarcastically caustic ones too.

But, there were exactly two responses of the hundred odd that I could clearly see a point in taking further. Of those, only one spoke to me, aptly.

Don't jump into conclusions. He is just one of the matches that I am pursuing. He's 29, from a middle-class family, a postgraduate in actuarial sciences.

I am dating him, but I haven't decided anything yet. My mother likes him. But she was advising me to dig deeper and go slow.

I may date more people if they emerge from somewhere. I am not jumping the gun and marrying this person, though he seems most suited at the moment. I take time to understand the person, and give him time to understand me and then take it forward.

Had it been different if I had met him under different circumstances? Not really. The "attention" that my romantic life is getting is partly a media creation, but which I am not complaining about. I have never been shy of the media lenses. But yeah, nobody would have been interested if I had met him at a party or a temple if it were not for this advertisement. The ad got everyone talking.

It was my bit in the fight to equality for India's LGBTQ community, but I'm glad it doesn't cast a shadow on my current relationship. We have our feet firmly cast in ground while we spread our hands to fetch a fistful of sky.

If someone asks me if whether I am making a political statement against societal practices to mute out minorities, yes I am.

Am I doing it intentionally? Well, sometimes, yes. I am saying that I am so similar, yet different and I desire and deserve to be given my equal right of the sun.

I believe, and have always believed, living your life truly and unabashedly is the truest form of activism. I live every moment of my life that way. Unapologetic, and unabashed.

If and when I get married, I will expect me and my spouse to get my rights not partly but wholly and in full measure as every heterosexual does. And in fighting my battles, selfishly, one may open the doors for several others.

For the moment though, gay marriage is not on the top of agenda. But it could be a parallel battle that one could pick up.

And why another one, why not me?

(As told to Angshukanta Chakraborty.)

Last updated: June 17, 2015 | 14:33
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