Government wants your money and wants it now

I have to do taxes. This is the strangest time to know that one has to. There are Panama Papers flying around, Vijay Mallyas flying out, long lists of big defaulters flying about and nobody giving a flying one about them. Last year, we were told some 30 people owed about Rs 1,500 crores in taxes. That's on the money they have declared. People with big money don't often declare stuff. The haves stash them in havens the have-nots haven't even heard of.

Do taxes bother you? Of course, they do. They bother me. I have to sit with an accountant to do them while knowing full well the government is taking me for a ride. The Bahamas, Panama, Mauritius, Singapore, St. Kitts, the big fish swim undetected offshore. The king fish goes through immigration to Britain but won't come back and can't be brought back.

You are a small fish. If you don't pay through your nose, you will be roasted and eaten. Actually, you wouldn't be eaten because you have already paid your taxes. The accountant is here only to help you file something called Returns, just to ensure that the 300 rupees you earned as interest don't go untaxed. You will voluntarily offer that to the government.

You know how voluntarily that is. You do it because you are salaried and another salaried fatman in fake Raybans will quiz, question, arrest and harass you both mentally and physically if you don't pay the government its cut in your income. That guy is hired by the government. It's not similar to Rangdari Tax goons impose on you in the name of protection because the latter is illegal. Or the levy collected by Maoists to not kill you in Bihar.

The government wants a portion of your hard-earned money in the name of development of the country. The government has law on its side and it will use the law to crush your soul. It is a gargantuan machine that really powerful people run with your money and your consent. Well, that's what they want you to believe. You vote every five years and that gives the government the licence to mistreat you the way it pleases.

It always needs your money. Primarily to buy votes in the voting season. Also to run itself and pay its officers to do your work, who charge you separately for doing your work. If some money is left over, the government would immediately require helicopters to fly VVIPs to vote rallies. The VVIPs will take their share from the makers of the helicopter and middlemen will get richer by a few hundred crores.

Then, you pay for the investigation into who took the bribe. Bureaucrats fly first-class into first-class cities to know first-hand how the money changed hands. As for the government, it will go out and buy bombs with a fraction of the leftover money and give a little to the Army so that you feel patriotic while getting robbed and their OROP is income-taxed.

Except the heavily polluted air, you got to pay for everything else anyway, service tax and surcharge extra. You buy drinking water. You also buy water to flush, shower and wash your face every morning. That is cheaper than the drinking water, but don't think it will remain so. You buy power to run the appliances you bought in the house you bought after paying taxes and pay property tax every year for. You eat in or eat out, you gotta pay for everything you consume and pay taxes on what you pay.

You buy healthcare, transportation, education, tuition and life-saving drugs. They tax you before you earn and before you spend. Generally, the government you trust with your money doesn't trust you. You buy a car, you pay taxes and also pay road tax before you take it out on the road. Once on the road, you got to pay toll. It's taxing to type out a list because it includes everything.

So, the rule of thumb is if you have taxable income, the big guy will tax you. And the big guy decides whether your income is taxable. It's the disincentive scheme to tell you that once you grow up, you pay for not being a miserable mess. You earn a little more than the first bracket, you get taxed more. And god forbid, if you have a decent income, you get taxed still more. The best is to earn very little. So little that the government starts paying you for earning very little. And the middlemen make more money from the money meant for you.

If you are a businessperson, you have some chance at beating the government in this game. If you are into big business, the chances are brighter. But if you are salaried; well, the government is interested in your income. Only till you earn.

You lose your job; you are on your own. You can't pay the EMI, the banks will take over your home. You fall ill, you pay for the medicines. If you have a serious ailment, you die. I am yet to hear of a loan-waiver scheme for people who can't pay off their loans because they have fallen on hard times. Agricultural loan gets waivers once in a while. All other times, farmers lose their land or lives.

Where does your money go? Well, have you seen your politician lately?

Check out his house, car and benaami properties. In fact, you wouldn't know the benaami ones because they do not have a name. But stare at the skyscrapers in Gurgaon or Noida, you know most of them have been built with your money. You don't even know you have a property like that. It's benaami. If you can't spot it, find the public contractor in your area. Visit the government officer he visits regularly. They meet to share your money every once in a while.

But don't get too close to the contractor's son. He has a Beretta he bought with your money. Bam.