Why Tamil Nadu is a regressive hell hole for girls

In 2008, after my Class 12, I headed out of Kerala in search of the engineering course I wanted to pursure in a good college. "Go to Tamil Nadu," many said, and my parents and I did some research. Lo, I found myself admitted to a college in Erode, Tamil Nadu.

The campus was massive, with more than 15 different institutions. For example, a college of technology, which was autonomous under Anna University, a College of Engineering, directly under Anna University, a dental college, a polytechnic college and a teachers' training institute, to name a few. Campus also had modern facilities in labs, huge lawns and good roads within the campus. But what the campus, and the people there, lacked a progressive mindset.

Being from Kerala and growing up watching colourful campuses in real life and in movies, the first jolt I got was when I was told boys aren't allowed to wear shorts, denims, T-shirts, casual trousers or even trendy shirts. What they called as "formal wear" is trousers and boring, mostly plain, shirts, which were to be worn with sleeves buttoned. Only formal shoes were allowed; no sports shoes, no sneakers, nothing!

I got ragged by a few seniors the very first day for wearing denims and was asked to go all the way back to the hostel, which is on the campus but two kilometres far, and change into a formal trouser.

Second blow was when I learned about the restrictions on girls. No denims, no T-shirts and a lot of other nos. What was allowed was churidars, with mandatory dupatta pinned on both sides of the shoulders. Girls weren't allowed to step out of the campus, were to stay inside their hostel by 6.30pm and had to use mobile phones secretly. I know some of my friends who used to hide their phones inside flushes, and even inside fan's canopy.

Third shocker was when a male and a female friend of mine were "arrested" by the security staff one evening, for talking to each other in front of the library. The girl's ID card was seized and was asked to collect it from her head of department. My male friend's phone and ID were seized too, but he got a slap additionally for "disrespecting the rules" which we weren't even aware of in the first place. I had to take the help of a final year student to get him off the security guard's clutches.

It was the second week, and by then I had given up hope on my engineering life. Four years from then, when I returned home after successfully completing the course and procuring the degree with a decent CGPA, my father said: "Well done, man! We thought you'd give up and come back in the second year!". I almost fainted hearing those words, for I never knew I had the option of leaving the course.

Why are there such regressive rules, especially in Tamil Nadu?

The prime reason behind such regressive rules are, of course, regressive mindsets, but not just of the college authorities. During the four years I spent there, I tried a lot to understand what is the root cause and this is what I found - the parents of girl students were extremely happy with such rules. They were happy their daughters were controlled by men, and rules, that their daughters never got a chance to step out and explore, that their daughters will be protected from "the bad Western culture" and "rape". The sad truth is those parents never trusted their daughters.

We shouldn't forget Tamil Nadu is not far behind when it comes to other regressive practices like honour killing. I have friends who used to tell me: "My mother will behead me and hang my head in front of our house if I tell her of my affair".

On top of all these, being from Kerala, there was an additional curse of the custom of ragging. Brutal, ruthless, unkind ragging!