TV reporters: The less you say, the more you convey

I have unsolicited advice for young reporters and guests on news channels.

You may not know this, but audiences really do have other things to do while you are on air. Most aren’t even watching. They are just listening.

As you may know, our broadcast technology still hasn’t conquered the two second gap between the news centre and the OB.

Is it any wonder, then, that most of us watching at home are reminded of the cocchlea-boggling radio jumbles of the 70s whilst trying to watch the news? You were "tossed to" in a window by your anchor for an update... you have turned it into a monologue. The panel producer is whispering into the anchor’s ear to get a move on. And for you to get off. The anchor is interupting you, but you can’t hear it. You are rambling on, long after your point has been made (if you had a valid point at all).

You are only listening to the sound of your own voice.

In television reportage, the less you say, the more you convey. People have attention spans equalling that of a gnat and embarrassing yourself by needing to be interrupted at least twice before you realise you have said too much, is not good for your on-air prospects. If I was your boss, you would be "third time unlucky".

In the early years of the BBC, on-air staff weren’t allowed to actually be on air unless their spoken English met with the broadcaster’s expectations. I personally appreciate the Beeb loosening its upper lip a little of late and allowing accents from across the UK to be aired and appreciated, but no one and I mean no one is allowed to say anything other than "police" for police.

I appreciate that this is India, and English is not the first language at home, but for Pete’s sake (yes, I said the name correctly), must you mispronounce so much? You are being watched with admiration and aspiration even by school going kids, who will forever say ‘pullis’ if they don’t know it's pronounced in English otherwise. Your accent can be your own. Your pronunciation is everyone’s.

There IS actually a difference between words that start with "v" and those that start with "w". Try saying "vowel" in front of the mirror. And the word "absolutely" is not the way you start your response to an on air question everytime. Unless you absolutely must. The thing-er, but-er, is the annoying "er" or "uh" that you use after every sentence (not sentaance) while you are trying to think "live". It's most unprofessional. You should know your onions before you open your mouth. The same goes for esteemed "panel guests" on yellfests via OB. You are "one" of the people on the show. Yes, there actually are others on air. Someone has interrupted you a long time ago, but you are so "eating footage", you are not listening in on the debate. Result? Everyone’s mouth is moving and no one in the audience is listening. How can we? Half of hearing is lip reading and I really can’t match someone else’s words to your mouth just because I like you.

This is particularly true of "party spokespersons". More airtime on prime time by hogging time does not guarantee your party votes. It just annoys the prospective voter. And please, please, please take a vacation once a fortnight. We really can’t be subjected to you whining and baying on the same channel night after night after night.

In Hindi newsrooms, I have heard senior producers get emotional about the "number of windows" in a discussion. Grown up anchors weep when their competitor has more than them. It's unreal. Get a life. And get a real view.

I watched a "too-many-people" multi-window debate the other night where a "guest in a window" decided to sleep, head back on sofa, grey beard twitching, eyes shut, throughout. Or at least throughout the few minutes that I was watching. Please do invite this gentleman again.

And while we are at it, can we all please have consensus on the spelling of Sheena’s brother’s name? I am afraid to even write it. His surname is Bora.