How to discover the bonds of joy

Joy is a gift that life gives you when you give away all your other gifts.

 |  3-minute read |   02-05-2020
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Happiness comes when you have worked hard for something, when you are closer to your goals, and when you feel that you have arrived at a worthy place. Happiness always involves victory for the self. It is all about one’s accomplishments.

Joy involves the transcending of yourself, when your heart is invested in another. Joy can come from years of changing diapers, worrying at night, dancing in the kitchen while cooking, or even just sitting with a friend or loved one quietly and watching television. Joy is a gift that life gives you when you give away all your other gifts.

If happiness is good, joy is better still. It is smart to enjoy happiness, but smarter to live mindfully and appreciate the enjoyment of joy Joy comes when you over-invest in friendships. Old wisdom tells us the difference between love and friendship.

Love is two people standing face-to-face, staring into each other’s eyes; friendship is two people standing side by side, staring not at one another, but at the things they care about. Love is blind, but the affection friends have for each other is the opposite of blind. It is ferociously attentive. When you stop, a friend waits for you. When you falter, a friend forgives. When you weep, a friend weeps with you. When you are quiet, a friend listens to you. When you stumble, a friend holds out a hand to help you up.

Transparency is the fuel driving friendships. In this insta-world we inhabit today, it is very easy to create flash and fake identities and personas. We can live life as a performance. Afraid of rejection or hurt or being taken advantage of, we never show honest emotions.

But with a friend one never need worry about living a lie. We can be vulnerable and show our cracks. We can expose our weaknesses, trusting a friend will not weaponise them and use them against us. It is the only way to build an honest relationship. And honest relationships that are friendships and not emotional attachments are the only way we can ever experience joy.

There are things we do because our biology demands it. Some things we do out of chemistry, some out of habit. But nothing biological, chemical, or habitual can explain what drives a friendship.

Friendship is about our soul singing when we watch another encounter good When you have those moments — when you are happy for a friend, when their happiness, success, promotion, beauty, celebration, makes you happy, it is then that you realise there is magic in friendship. We cannot make that magic happen. We can only strive to catch it when it does. At the deepest and most affectionate level, it combusts within us, without us preparing for it. It is a blaze of joy.

True friends see each other through the arcs of their lives. They share memorable moments, they smile together, cry together, support one another in the best and worst of times. They are there when the other is lost madly in love; they are there when the relationship ends, the bubble bursts, and a good friend is again the need of the hour. They are there when tragedy strikes and hope seems lost; and there again when the long, dark tunnel ends and hope is renewed. That is a friendship for life.

These are bonds that share joy and not just love between them. Love—happiness—lasts while two people fill certain roles, perform certain tasks, and share a certain connection. Friendships begin where love ends, and joy stays with us the rest of our lives.

(Courtesy of Mail Today)

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Writer

Suvir Saran Suvir Saran @suvirsaran

Suvir Saran is a highly acclaimed and award winning chef, author, and public speaker

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