6 ways in which ink can actually help Shiv Sena

The Shiv Sena brigade seems to have a real fascination for ink. Splattering it all over people’s faces as a mark of intolerance protest seems to be something of a sport for them. And while we are all for this immensely classy use of coloured fluid on unsuspecting Pakistanis and Indians, here are more useful ways in which ink can be used by the Shiv Sainiks.  

1.     Books

The Sena would do well to educate itself by hurling less ink at hapless people and focusing instead on the ink used in books. We strongly recommend the Constitution and the Indian Penal Code to begin with. A little science would be great too, but we may be getting ahead of ourselves now. 

2.     Rorschach's Inkblot Test

The first step to solving a problem is admitting it exists. Since this is not something the Shiv Sena will do on its own, it’s probably best to let a professional break the news about their affliction known, to put it mildly, as intolerance, belligerence and bigotry. And what better way than to have them take the inkblot test. It’ll be all the more special since it’s like enlightening them with their weapon of choice. Very meta.

3.     Learn calligraphy

There’s something poetic (think nonsense verse) about the Shiv Sena troopers sitting around with a feathered quill, dipping it in ink and learning to gracefully form letters. It’s also a good lesson in the art of these-are-real-uses-of-ink and a diversion to keep them occupied in order to avoid more of their most admirable protests.

4.     Write an apology

Yes, fine, this is a farfetched expectation. Even more so than the Sena penning down reams of pages in calligraphic form. But maybe some ink and paper ought to be deployed in framing a genuine apology to people whose faces have been blackened and smeared for absolutely no reason at all.

5.     Tattoos

Maybe it’s time to redefine the term “get inked” for the Sena. And what better way to do this than for them to get tattoos. We know, from a most remarkable incident in Bangalore, that getting Gods and Goddesses tattooed on yourself is a no-no. So one can only wonder what the Sena Soldiers will get done. But we’d like to be there when they walk out of that tattoo parlour.

6.     Election ink

If things continue the way they are, this is one use of ink that will not bode well with the Shiv Sena. Those inked fingernails will be disapprovingly wagged at them and they will have to join their MNS brethren in the sullen zero-seats corner.