Why the culture of 'shaming the family' is dangerous for #MeToo
Over the weekend, one name that’s dominated social media — apart from MJ Akbar and Sajid Khan — was that of Mallika Dua. And that was because of a sexual harassment allegation brought against her father, Vinod Dua.
Nishtha Jain, a critically acclaimed documentary filmmaker, took to her Facebook account to narrate an incident that dates back to 1989, accusing Vinod Dua of sexual harassment. The details of her ordeal do not matter, the crux of it does. “Sorry Mallika... your father is also one who belongs to the hall of shame,” she wrote, tagging Mallika in her #MeToo story.
The usuals supported her, the unusuals had the same question — why now, why not in ’89? But a handful wondered if dragging Mallika into the narrative was a good idea.
— Mallika Dua (@MallikaDua) October 14, 2018
Quite parallel to this narrative was the one that spun around Sajid Khan. Farah Khan and Farhan Akhtar, both cousins of Sajid, were left to defend themselves as hundreds shamed them in the same light as Sajid. They apologised, tweeted condemning Sajid’s actions, and distanced themselves from both the crime and the alleged criminal.
Some, however, are not convinced. ‘Shame the family, bring down the nepotistic kingdom,’ they’d say. And I am sitting here, mumbling to myself, ‘Oh, but it’s actually about Vinod and Sajid. Let’s not forget that.’
This is a heartbreaking time for my family.We have to work through some very difficult issues. If my brother has behaved in this manner he has a lot to atone for.I don’t in any way endorse this behavior and Stand in solidarity with any woman who has been hurt.
— Farah Khan (@TheFarahKhan) October 12, 2018
Let there be no confusion about whether I stand in solidarity with the women who have spoken up. I absolutely do. @karishmau @redheadchopra https://t.co/qYmaj2yN4P
— Farhan Akhtar (@FarOutAkhtar) October 12, 2018
You see, ‘shame the family’ according to me is as dangerous as ‘why now, why not then’ for the #MeToo movement. Because it does exactly that — dilute the issue, take the focus away from what’s important, confuse and conflict your mind. It leaves room for doubt to germinate and once there’s doubt there can never be any conviction.
What’s worse is that it turns us into those very extremists we roll our eyes at. The very bigots who close their minds to alternate thoughts and opinions. Those who resort to slut shaming the ‘innocence’ and motifs of the accusers.
#WATCH: I welcome this #MeToo campaign but I don't consider women journalists to be so innocent that anyone can misuse them, says Lata Kelkar, Chief of Madhya Pradesh BJP women wing on MJ Akbar. (11.10.18) pic.twitter.com/4gM5shTkg3
— ANI (@ANI) October 12, 2018
Nishtha seems to agree with me, as do some of her friends, on whose suggestion she posted this on her Facebook page.
And this is exactly what we shouldn't forget. In shaming Mallika or Farah or Farhan, aren’t we deploying the same tactics that have been used against women for ages that’s compelled them to stay coiled up and not open up about the crimes against them? Aren’t we using what’s clearly turned out to be the most powerful tool of today — social media — to intimidate them? Isn’t this turning out to be the very power game we are trying to overpower?
And at the end of it all, aren’t we losing sight of the bigger picture by letting the accused, the perpetrators hide behind a daughter, a cousin, just like they hid behind office hierarchy and industry contacts years ago?