Okay, so traditions, customs and everything surrounding it, especially in India, have never been fair to women.
If it's Raksha Bandhan, it is the sister seeking 'protection' of her brother, because she apparently can’t fight for herself. If it's Karwa Chauth, it is the wife fasting for the husband’s good health — even at the risk of hers.
But no other Indian festival is quite as unfair towards women as Holi is.
It could have been known as the most beautiful and the most colourful festival of all — instead, it has become a festival of molestation, with creeps in all sizes and shapes lurking around, just waiting to claim your torso as they claim they're claiming tradition.
But hey — I am reclaiming all of that.
I love Holi for exactly all those reasons most women usually hate it.
Okay, so I am not promoting such behaviour. But if I get the opportunity to ogle at a Sidharth Malhotra-esque man, in a wet white shirt, splashed with pink and green, I am not passing.
I am probably going to stand right there and ogle away. What? Bura na mano, Holi Hai!
Bhaang is not bad. Bhaang is prasad. If drunk texting, incessant giggling, uncontrollable urges to break into a Bollywood dance and all the other side-effects of intoxication follow, then so be it. And for all the glasses of milk I poured down the sink as a kid, I am now going to slurp up those glasses of masala dudh in a wink.
Living it up
I am going to go out with my friends — both boys and girls — jump about like a bunch of rabbits on sugar, giggle for no reason like I’m in a Karan Johar movie and stay out all day as boys get to on all other days.
Today, you cannot judge me.
Today, it’s all allowed.
Take that, patriarchy!
'Women love shopping' is a stereotype. But if it's Holi, then we have to go shopping, na? So, we're going to go shopping — with everybody's permission and without being scoffed at — and have a helluva time well. After all, this shopping is for parampara, sanskaari jeevan and Bharatiya sabhyata, so no, you can't say no!
It's Holi, so obviously I am not coming to work.
If you want me to work, I will throw a water balloon at you. If you tell me the world will collapse if I don't get to work, I will throw two water balloons at you. If you try and make me feel guilty with appraisals approaching and all, I'm going to knock you over, sit on you, smear colour on your face and yell, "HOLI HAI!"
And you can't do anything about it! Just smile cheerily, with those pinkened Holi teeth! :)