How our search for a nanny for our baby turned into a nightmare in Delhi
Earlier this year we decided to move to Delhi from Mumbai, a move we are still questioning but let's save that perennial Mumbai versus Delhi debate for another day.
We moved to Delhi in May. In the coming two months apart from adjusting in the new city, we had to finish setting up our house, organise two birthday parties for our one-year-old daughter and get my brother married. All this while juggling work and home.
We prided in the fact that we treat our people well, and in Mumbai we were lucky to find some wonderful ones. Although here we were moving into our parents' house, we still decided to recruit someone for help with baby care. Hire someone who cares for our baby, pay proper wages and treat them well. Simple? It's anything but simple.
What unfolded in the next two months is the most mind-numbing experience of our lives. Absolutely nothing could have prepared us for this.
While we were still in Mumbai, we started asking friends for agency references. We got a number from a friend whose brother had recruited this agency and seemed pretty happy. "Very professional," he said.
We called this agency and spoke to a very soft-spoken woman who claimed to be the manager. She listened to our requirement patiently and told us that we are lucky because she has the perfect person (nanny) for us. We did a phone interview with a girl and our mother did a face-to-face interview.
The day after we moved to Delhi, the girl came over with the manager (who at about 5 feet and 8 inches could have easily passed off as a model, a far cry from the human trafficker’s image I had in my mind) for a trial. We took a two-day trial with the girl and decided to employ her. We paid the agency a hefty commission (commission in Delhi ranges from anywhere between Rs 30,000 and Rs 50,000) and signed a contract. Considering the horror stories we had heard about Delhi maids and agencies, it all seemed so perfect.
On the 10th day, as if on cue, the girl said she had to leave immediately for her village for her sister’s wedding. The agency people feigned ignorance and said they had no idea and promised an immediate replacement. We complied, hoping our good luck streak with the nannies will continue. That is when it all went downhill.
In the next one month, the agency gave us four replacements - one worse than the other. From a day-dreamer to a food-stealer, they had two things in common - extremely fragile egos and absolutely no baby-care knowledge.
The moment we would utter a word they would call the agency, which would then call us. This one girl who was with us during the wedding would disappear every few minutes and be found next to the food counters. Our cousins joked that they would love to be our nanny since the only work she does is sit and eat. Meanwhile, the girl we had originally recruited was nowhere to be found.
Every few days the agency people were standing on our door either picking a girl or dropping a new one. The soft-spoken manager had by now not just started talking like a true-bred Haryanvi, but also giving us grief about our high expectations and our inability to handle these girls.
Eventually we gave up and parted ways with a partial refund. Essentially, we ended up paying cash for days of this logistical and emotional nightmare.
We later got to know that this is something very common in north India. The agency shows you someone really good, you recruit the person, pay the agency their commission, few days later the girl cites an emergency and leave, then whoever they send depends on your luck.
You might get someone good, you might get someone bad. In any case the agency’s money is made. It’s a pretty good business model.
No matter how brave you are, you decide it is not worth going to the cops or starting a social media campaign. You can’t prove anything and also you don’t want to mess with these agencies. They can’t run this kind of business without some muscle power. They know where you and your kids live. You can’t take the risk; it is simply not worth it.
You find solace in the fact that at least you learnt your lesson. You move on - right into the clutches of another agency.
We figured the last agency debacle was a Delhi problem and decided to recruit from Kolkata. Our baby’s first nanny (jhapa) was from Kolkata and was really good. I asked an ex-colleague who had recruited from a Kolkata agency, and she seemed to be extremely happy with her nanny.
Both the parents were working and left the baby with her. A model that is bound to work.
I spoke to the agency person who at that moment felt like a perfect candidate for “most compassionate person of the year” award. For the sake of anonymity, let’s call her Pinky. Pinky assured us that her girls go all over the country and have an experience of working in all kinds of family set-ups. All they expect in return is decent food and some rest during the day.
We interviewed a girl on phone and told her about our joint family set-up and our expectations - basically just take care of the baby and get up early as I leave for work at 7am. She seemed to be alright with that.
These Kolkata nannies are expensive; almost double the price we paid for the girls before. We paid a hefty commission to the agency again and the money for train ticket. The girl arrived and started doing the baby’s work, we realised she did not even know basics. When couple of things were pointed out about her experience she kept quiet. One day when our baby fell, we all ran towards her while the girl watched from a distance. We lived with all this as we were adamant we wanted this to work.
She did not. On the eighth day she told us she wanted to leave. We were shocked. She said she was not used to be given instructions. She also said we did not feed her well and don’t let her rest. We were giving her all the meals, including mid-day snacks, and our baby takes two day naps so we could not understand what exactly the issue was. On further probing, she told us she wants to eat as per the menu she gives. When the baby sleeps she wanted to talk on phone and eat.
“Then when do you want to sleep?”
She retorted: “When the baby is up, your mother can look after her."
We could not sleep that night. It was too bizarre. We informed Pinky who seemed disappointed at the girl’s behaviour, apologised to us and told us to send her back. She promised she will send a replacement. The next morning, we asked the girl to pack and we dropped her at the station with food, her salary and the money for her ticket. After that for 20 days we did not hear from Pinky. Between my husband and me, we must have called her about 500 times. Finally, we heard from her associate that he was sending a new girl.
This was our eighth girl which is my lucky number so I was really hoping for my luck to turn! Not so soon. The worst was yet to come.
From her setting foot in our house she started rattling a long list of demands - “This bathroom is small, give me a bigger one", “I want proper breakfast not roti or rice, rice for lunch and roti for dinner”, “I also want tea every hour” , “I want my own room”.
I gave her my baby’s nursery to sleep as that was the only other room we had. She insisted she wants to bolt it from inside and sleep. Next morning the room looked like a disaster had hit it, with her clothes, towel and food all strewn around. Since this nursery was my pet project in the house, it broke my heart.
We knew this will never work for us but decided to give her a couple of days lest she is very good at taking care of the baby.
During the day, while we were at work, our mother left her in the room with the sleeping baby and went in the other room. After a while, when mom peeped in the room, she found the girl sleeping on the bed with the baby. Next time when she peeped inside, both the baby and the nanny were not there. Mom panicked and started shouting their names. They were not in the house so she ran out, and found the girl walking on the road outside holding our baby naked (she had removed her clothes as she had peed). This, in the peak afternoon.
When mom confronted her she said: “Don’t tell me what to do as I have lots of experience." We dropped her and her big shoulder chip at the station within four hours of this incident. We are still waiting for our refund from Pinky, who of course, has again disappeared.
When you get pregnant, people like scaring you about pregnancy and the life after the baby, but absolutely nothing could have prepared me for this. As if being a new mother and nagging relatives are not enough, there are now nagging agencies and then there are these girls themselves - with their list of bizarre demands and passive aggressive behaviour.
I am all for equal rights, minimum wages and respect but when did we become so dependent that we really lowered our expectations and these girls really increased their demands?
In their battle for achieving equal rights are we all losing the quest to achieve a standard of skills and professionalism?
Yes, there is a huge imbalance between the demand and supply of these hired helps, but are things really this bad, or did I just have a very, very bad luck?