I don’t mind a red rose on Women’s Day, but I'm in dire need of well-behaved men on roads

My Facebook notification today reminded me of the ugly memory of March 8, 2011. I was looted for the first time in life on the 100th Women’s Day in a posh South Delhi locality.

In a shocking incident, the same day, a Delhi University student was shot dead by her stalker in broad daylight. Just a few months before, the then chief minister of Delhi had made a comment on the murder of a woman journalist in Delhi — "All by herself at 3 am... you should not be so adventurous."

When I went to lodge FIR, the policemen gave me an advice: "Madam, aap ladkiyon ko dhyaan dena chahiye,raat ko bahar mat ghooma kariye. Nuksaan aapka hua, woh toh maze mein honge. Handbag ka side change karte raha kijiye. Ekdam alert raha kijiye (Being a girl you should take care of yourself; those guys must be having fun, keep pepper spray with you and keep changing the sides of your handbag).

I had heard this clichéd advice since the time I started loitering on Delhi roads. I wonder if any man gets to hear such advice so frequently. Not that I was not looted after this incident but now I know better how to deal with it.

The next time my phone was snatched close to Hauz Khas Metro station, I became numb for a few minutes. I gathered myself and asked an auto-driver if he can lend me his phone. I made a call to my father who was numb again for a few minutes. I told him to relax and then went on with the business of filing an FIR. This is what experience teaches you.

I like strolling on Delhi roads during winter evenings. After these incidents, the rebel that I am, I started running and cycling on Delhi roads as a mark of defiance.

I prefer to walk than drive half a kilometer from my house for grocery shopping. I refuse to drive for that distance. I have to claim my space in public places and not shrink myself down into a box. I have stopped counting the number of lechers I meet every day while running, cycling or normal walking.

Once I was running in a race and man urinating on the side decided to flash his penis at me. The public urinal was right next to where he was urinating. I felt disgusted and scared, but I did not stop. The other day when I had to drop a friend, who stays 500 metres from my apartment, late evening, we were concerned about ourselves. We decided to walk though. It is a shame that we have to feel like a rebel to attain this basic freedom as women.

As much as the male chaperones in our lives want to "protect" us from any mishap, I see many of them not even questioning the acts of these lechers. Some of them would not mind even cracking misogynist jokes in their friend circle and family gatherings. They wash off their deeds by protecting the women in the family.

Is that enough?

Could you please put yourself in an uncomfortable zone where you vehemently question such men and become foe to some of your own toxic social capital? Instead of pouncing on women when she expresses her opinions, asserts herself or loiter freely, you need to be actively looking out for opportunities to condemn all misogynistic happenings you see around yourself.

I am sure we all get enough of it every day. When I was looted, there were not less than 20 people around me. Around 90 per cent of them were men. None of them took the opportunity to prove their "manhood". They blamed me for roaming around on the streets during late evening.

The growing consumerism has tightly clawed the newly discovered days in the last decade of the 20^th century (Father’s Day, Mother's Day, Daughter’s Day etc). There is a huge discount and sale on every product you can gift to a person. It has not left Women’s Day untouched.

I am amazed at the new intellectual low we are experiencing. To my surprise, the sale and discounts on items are more important concerns for many women than talking about claiming public spaces.

Don’t we need to talk about at least elementary feminism on this day?

Can we have more well-lit roads please so that miscreants can be stopped from attacking women?

Can I see a day when I can have tapri chai alone at any hour of the day?

Can I run freely on the road whenever I wish to?

Can I loiter freely on Delhi streets?

Let’s begin the conversation at least and not find escapes in empty rhetoric and mindless consumerism. I don’t mind a red rose on Women’s Day, but I am in dire need of well-behaved men on roads.

Also read: This is what's wrong with Women's Day