#TheDailyToast: When cows fly
"When pigs fly", you may have said to yourself, on occasion, as you nursed a tumbler of oak aged Canadian malt a visiting uncle brought you over the fake jollity of an NRI Christmas, and which you wrongfully relegated to the back of the hideous Rajasthan-carved wine cabinet your wife bought you and which you are forced to commit to your living room. That thing you sipped with much ingratitude, no not your marriage, the Crown Royal Northern Harvest Rye, is now dislodging Irish whiskey from the top five whiskeys of the world with the Scots nowhere in the list. Last year's number 1 Suntory Yamazaki Mizunura is at No 5. This is all Justin Trudeau's fault. For being the world's first dancing head of state. The right honourable Stephen Harper is also said to have alluded to such occurrences against the laws of nature when informed of whom his political successor might be, and look where he is now.
Pretty much though, the pigs may be landlubbered, but the answers my friend, are a flying in the wind. The same wind that set the cows a-flying. The question now is: Is a flying cow more worship-worthy than a grounded one? The impossible is always made possible by faith. There are none so blind as those who will not see, and no cow so devoid of divinity as will not fly. The pigs meanwhile, could do with losing some weight in order to get their ships off the ground.
Republican governors targeting Syrian refugees, the bullies, would do well to check on their weather vanes. Bobby Jindal... You know... that brown guy who wanted to be white so bad that he picks the lighter skin colour emojis on his iPhone every time, and inexplicably answered "no comment" on evolution, which is strange considering he seems to be his own living theory of it, who lost his own vote long before he lost the brown vote along with the white vote, yeah that guy, who wants to define "life" as "from conception, (except if Syrian and fleeing terrorism)". Forget America, even Trump voted "when pigs fly" on that one.
Back home in India though, we make the possible, impossible. It's just been one of those all round great weeks for women. Azam Khan tells a rape victim she is seeking "publicity" for her "disgrace" even as the courts send a strong message to the TERI victim justice will be served when the animals hit the helium. The inglorious Indiatimes which clearly sees evidence for more than sufficient justice for women in this took it upon themselves to launch a #LawsAgainstMen campaign with cooked up facts... well, at least they apologised, I mean, it's not liked they punched women in the gut or anything. What are a few lies against women? I mean that's what they generally call the Case for the Defence.
But never mind the National Flying Club of Associated Animals, the Cooum river overruns Chennai warning it that man triumphs when the cows learn to swim, pretty much, until then it is still nature's call.
Speaking of pigs with extraordinary tastes, I'd watch the rashers for breakfast if I were you. The British may have sailed from the Gateway of India in 1947 but Subramanian Swami is still hunting them down, from Varadarajan to Rahul Gandhi, every last one.
PM Modi meanwhile, after his visit with the Queen, has realised it is in fact not so safe to restrict himself to speaking of the weather, a contentious topic by any extension these days, whether it's climate talks falling apart in Paris, or the dark clouds of intolerance that keep rolling over the motherland... No, not Saudi Arabia that hallowed world ally that kills poets and flogs you for T-shirts, and is eerily turned on by women driving, no not Canada either, where yoga is now "cultural appropriation", not even America where #StudentBlackOut protests hitherto swept-under-the-carpet racism, or just, you know... India... And is thus doggedly focusing on the economy. Unstuck roads, loss making PSUs, a Raghuram Rajan so disgruntled he is is now batting for the yuan...
If you say "eight per cent" hard enough and long enough, who knows, maybe pigs, and cows, and the whole barnyard along with it, will fly.