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#TheDailyToast: Win diesel

Gayatri Jayaraman
Gayatri JayaramanJan 05, 2016 | 09:47

#TheDailyToast: Win diesel

It's a smoking gun, quite literally, attached to the back end of the average car. The Supreme Court today will hear automobile manufacturers Mahindra & Mahindra, Mercedes and Toyota plead to be allowed to continue polluting the planet. This is quite in keeping with representative counsel Abhishek Manu Singhvi and Kapil Sibal's national legal policy, whether for National Herald, Pramod Mittal vs STC or internet gambling, let alone telecom scams, to defend the corrosive to impunity and beyond.

In an unrelated incident, the fees for maths tuitions in New Delhi have shot up given all the computing skills car owners have had to acquire. In true Delhi style, the RTO received an unusual number of requests yesterday asking for their engines to be reclassified as 1999cc engines. These will be processed as soon as the 600 #oddeven violations yesterday, in which challans were issued to fine professional number-plate manipulators who issued odd plates on even days due to a lack of sleep, are set right.

Volkswagen, which bypassed urea to treat nitrogen oxides in their diesel engines and is currently being sued by the USA, is rediscovering its cultural ties with India and is reportedly in hush-hush talks with Indian cow urine suppliers to launch a new brand of ayurvedic diesel, expected to coast through EU emissions, considering that Germany pretty much is the EU at this point.

International diesel prices tanked yesterday in anticipation of the new entrant on the exchange. Baba Ramdev, handling the talks on behalf of the Indian government, has also offered to cure the West of its emissions problem with pranayama.

Not only will this prove that yoga now officially solves everything, but it will also allow the automobile manufacturers to proceed uninterrupted, allowing Mr Anand Mahindra to tweet breathe easy and promote electrical cars, while surviving off diesel ones, (only in Himalayan tracks, where the mountains absorb the pollutants and just look at that pristine rock face, it looks so awesome in a selfie and all television advertising, which is the important thing), not to mention improving lung capacity, which is killing three birds with one stone, the three birds being the past, present and future of anything green on the planet.

In return, Germany, ever the agile business partner, will build us the coastal road on the nesting grounds of the famed Bombay Duck. Given that the Indian people are sitting ducks enough do we really need to breed more? Singhvi and Sibal have offered to argue that one for us in court.

Last updated: January 05, 2016 | 11:10
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