Bhima Koregaon raids, Rahul Gandhi, Sunny Leone, Asian Games: All that you need to know today
Whether your media company is fledgling or an old warhorse with hardly any horsepower left, these five tips will definitely save your day. We tried them and that stands us in good stead for the rest of the day.
1) There is nothing that doesn't work with these two simple words. It could be either a direct usage of the words in headline, your search URLs or a combination of any kind.
The words: Sunny Leone.
Specific examples: 'Sunny Leone's stretches will make you 'feel good' on a lazy Wednesday evening' or the too many times 'Untold Story of Sunny Leone: Karenjit Kaur 2'.
Also, don't forget to add: see photo.
If you are the staunchly staunch types — a la HopeIndia or HardWired — and don't want to budge an inch from your respective missions, you can try things like 'Kerala floods: Sunny Leone gets generous with donation'.
Or
'Sunny side of Bhima Koregaon raids: Urban Naxals were not plotting to kill PM Modi'
Or
'Breaking News: Shame, DMK chief Stalin finally admits he doesn't know Sunny Leone'
You can also use the words discreetly. Like 'It's a Sunny day in Sierra Leone'. Reverse order? 'Leone hopes to see Sunny days ahead'. (And don't worry if it doesn't get Sunny at Sierra Leone, some PIO will definitely inform Sushma Swaraj on Twitter. 'Swaraj humara adhikaar hai, we will always have access to her.
2) But Sunny Leone is not our only big hope. Viral video or leaked video is more potent than a Sunny or any lines that are funny. Just know something is always viral or leaking on social media from a roof in Guwahati Airport to a dancing uncle. The other day dancing uncle rocked in a Govinda song at his sa-le ki shaadi, yesterday he was back with a fabulous performance on a Mithun Chakraborty song, today he is killing it with... actually this morning he was seen clutching his stomach and crying - Humse na ho payega.
3) Frankly speaking, getting traction on social media is not rocket science. You don't need to be an ISRO scientist working on Gaganyan.
Most days we have to do nothing but just sit back and listen to a certain breed of exasperated farrago of politicians giving us enough news ideas to survive for at least a couple of days. We have two types of politicians in India either too erudite for our vocabulary or too desi and crass for our editorial taste. But they both have one thing in common — verbal diarrhoea. No amount of Harpic or Swachh Bharat campaign can clean the stench left by them.
So, choose your poison carefully, depending on which side of the India-Pakistan border you want to live in. And in taking sides, never forget what we were taught in those good-for-nothing-money-squeezing media school classes - Journalism is never about news, it all about how much money we can make out of a particular event to keep our master's hearth running. (One free advice: If your sons and daughters too want to be journalists don't send them to media schools, Jio Institute already has the next batch of scribes enrolled there.
4) There are two contenders — Narendra Modi and Rahul Gandhi. It's advisable to avoid putting your punning skills to work with the former (see, this is how you avoid taking his name directly or linking it to everything and anything bad that has happened and happening and will happen to India). The latter can be used 'liberally' like N2O. There is no fixed amount. In fact, you can't even see it — all gas but still trending. The best part is this gas is neither in short supply at hospitals nor does it need ducks to increase its level in water. Now, there must be some politics behind this chemistry.
I poked fun too at Biplab too for this comment. But he’s actually totally correct here. Learnt something new today about integrated duck-fish farming. https://t.co/n7UEiA8r1e
— Shiv Aroor (@ShivAroor) August 28, 2018
5) If you know or knew how to make proper use of the above four trends, you wouldn't have been reading till here. So, in case you have reached thus far, go no far.
Just shut your shop.
Maybe you are waiting for someone to break the news to you that 'you know nothing Jon Snow about the media Game of Thrones (by the way, HBO has already revealed the first look of season 8).
An additional morale booster: Never worry about bad punning because:
1) there is nothing called good punning. And laughing at bad puns is like celebrating our National Sports Day.
2) Amul ads have already won that crown. Their latest 'javel in the crowd' and all the javels they have been producing of late feel more like somebody has thrown a javelin in your navel and he is the one getting the gold for not killing you with it.
Well, enjoy the rest of the Asian Games.
Hopefully, every day in office is not the same. But if only Netflix realised it.