‘Sarab,’ ‘sharaab’ and ‘sabak’ — I am an alcohol and here's why I am offended by this narrative

I have Walked miles as Johnnie. I have gathered the wisdom of Old Monks. I am an Absolut delight! How can I be bad?

 |  3-minute read |   29-03-2019
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Hi, I am *hic*

Usually, I am not the one to speak — but the one to encourage others to speak. I am a regular at the party scene in every city, but I am not a fair-weather friend either — I stand by my friends even when they are all alone.

But something happened yesterday that offends me. It hurts me. Let me begin...

(clears throat)

Our honourable Prime Minister, Narendra Modi, said at a rally in Meerut that ‘sarab’ is bad for your health. He was talking about me — alcohol, your friend *hic* First of all, I am not ‘sarab,’ you’ve spelt my name wrong. I am ‘sharaab.’ But then I realised it was deliberate — it was part of a bigger plan.

“SP (Samajwadi Party) ka 'sa', RLD (Rashtriya Lok Dal) ka 'Ra' aur BSP (Bahujan Samaj Party) ka 'ba', matlab sarab. SP, RLD, BSP, ye sarab aapko barbaad kar degi (This sarab will destroy you),” calculated Modiji, as a not-so-subtle jibe at his Opposition.

via GIPHY

Okay, I get it. I am willing to overlook the fact that you dropped a crucial ‘h’ and an ‘a’ from my name, but I am not willing to overlook the fact that you said I will destroy the aam aadmi! Me? Their trusted friend?

Hey rum!

Let me clarify that anything in moderation is not bad for the health or the mind. And doctors across the globe have vouched for that. But it is when the moderation part goes for a toss that things go horribly wrong. Just look at Hinduvta, for instance.

Then, I am — a 100 per cent — what you call a ‘mahamilavat.’ Yes, I am. Everyone knows ‘alcohol is the solution!’

And what’s more, I can mingle pretty easily with other non-alcoholic stuff as well. I don’t discriminate on the basis of colour — I go with Coke as rum or tonic water as Vodka. I don’t discriminate on the basis of caste either — plain, basic water also works.

inside_032919032148.jpgI am a solution. Really, I am. (Source: Wikimedia Commons)

I have Walked miles as Johnnie. I have gathered the wisdom of Old Monks. I can be a Teacher, a Patrón or even a Captain (Morgan) at your service. I am both a Royal Stag and an Officer’s Choice. Yes, I know, I am an Absolut delight!

And then you say THAT about me! How rude! How hurt I am!

Fine, I will stop wine-ing now.

Things could have ended at that, but then, Congress chief spokesperson, Randeep Surjewala added his two bits. He said, “You should apologise to the country as you have insulted the poor by comparing Opposition political parties to liquor. You should either take back your words or apologise.”

Is being compared to me an insult? Oh! And how is the Opposition’s insult poor people’s insult? This makes no sense, here, have some, you will feel better.

Akhilesh Yadav, however, explained to me, and the nation, the subtle nuance between ‘sarab’ and ‘sharab’ and that helps a lot. “Sarab is a mirage, which the BJP has been showing us for the past 5 years. This time he is again showing us a new mirage,” he said.

So sarab is like a hallucination. Well, sharaab can cause hallucinations, too. But, you see, that’s where the moderation part comes in.

Drunkenly yours, *hic*

Also read: Why we need to rewrite our wedding vows

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