#TheDailyToast: The heart of the matter

CM Siddaramaiah is the kind of head that is uneasy with his crown. With the threat of being beheaded in a state that he governs for eating a food that he has no objection to eating, it is clear that not only does he lack the power to conclude the investigations of who killed writer Kalburgi, but that there is no love to be lost in Karnataka. And anyway the Sanatan Sanstha has called a press conference, which in Congress speak, according to Salman Khurshid, is sufficient unto itself really...

Does the BJP know the meaning of 'sorry'? We have already apologized for the 1984 riots: Congress leader Salman Khurshid

— The Indian Express (@IndianExpress) November 3, 2015

Does everyone not know that we have said it? Whither now, courts of law? And these are the guys who would appoint us our judges.

These, declarations, statements, feeble coughs of awareness of the state of chaos come like sticky plaster on a national booboo.

Since data has now been thrown into the coming-back-to-bite-you-in-the-butt circuitry of making any argument redundant, swung by both liberals and non-liberals as a WMD, its value now depends on whom it is aimed at, rather than who is doing the firing. It's like wondering who in their right might would trade with the ISIS handing them weapons to aim at aircrafts while counting the cash from your own defence spend sales. Surprise, surprise, it's Syria-bombarding Russia with the best surface-to-air missile systems in the world. Which sort of brings it around to what that now-defunct guy in a khadi dhoti used to go on about: "an eye for an eye will make the world blind". Or, you know, we could just each punch our own eyes out to save time.

It's also like Bal Thackeray and Shobhaa De, always the best of friends finding themselves awkwardly on the same side of the war against Shah Rukh Khan who, despite all invitations is by no means going to Pakistan if his fans have to line the roads to stop him which is pretty much par for the course as we watch this snake of affairs eat its own tail.

It's also like Chhota Rajan now being afraid of the Mumbai Police, which is as you well know, was the agency entrusted with the task of finding him over the past two decades. As a senior officer in the police force quipped when asked if there was any truth to it: the force only goes to work when Dawood goes to work, so why would they catch him and put themselves out of business? Mumbai is now waiting for it to dawn on Chhota Rajan to discover those he ran from, those who offer him protection and those who will take him into custody, interrogate, and prosecute him, are all one. This is a Rashomon-effected scripting that even Sanjay Gupta can't stuff up.

As is only appropriate in this self-contradictory world, Twitter in the meanwhile, decided to add insult to injury. Even the mildest protestors were flummoxed and as the more offended put it, it's the equivalent of asking harassed women to "heart" their abusers so they can prosecute them.

Mid-social-media-battlefield all the guns have been turned to roses, and all the favs are now hearts. No problem troops, bite the heads off and fling the thorns at each other.

November 3, 2015. A button changes on Twitter. My world crumbles. Into little heart-shaped absences of self.

— Nein. (@NeinQuarterly) November 4, 2015

The heart is Hallmarkably dead. Long live the heart.