Nepotism to conjecture: Words that Karan Johar made a star out of

Open your dictionaries to page 112 and then rip them apart

 |  3-minute read |   23-10-2018
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Bollywood is no Shashi Tharoor. One doesn’t really need to keep a dictionary handy to cross check the meaning of every word ever spoken on television. But when it comes to Karan Johar’s Koffee With Karan, it’s imperative to have one. So that you can bang your head on it and then tear it up in to a million pieces.

For KJo not only makes stars of celebrity kids, he makes stars of words too.

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We’ve listed below, the Shah Rukh Khans, Salman Khans and Aamir Khans of Karan’s favourite words. Take your pick

Conjecture

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If I had a penny for every time Karan Johar said ‘conjecture’... The dictionary defines this word as ‘an opinion or conclusion formed on the basis of incomplete information,’ which basically makes it a rumour. In KJo-verse it’s the act of catching celebrities off-guard. While their minds toggle between figuring out if Karan is on their side or not, the lack of adequate blood supply to the brain has caused them to blurt out tomorrow’s headline.

Celluloid

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Celluloid means cinema. And for once, Karan Johar doesn’t convolute the meaning of the word. Except given that his understanding of cinema is so limited, celluloid for him is films either starring A-listers or that go on to make solid bucks at the box office. So, a Baahubali and a Padmaavat are celluloid, a Death In A Gunj is not.

4 am friend

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To be honest, I have never picked up the phone to chat with anyone at 4 am. But I know that if I need help at that ghostly hour, I will have it. Bollywood stars, however, seem to only socialise during that hour. Your film tanks, you call up your 4 am friend to crib; you have a bitter break-up, you know who and precisely what time to call. For all the wokeness of Bollywood, they still seem to be stuck in the ‘90s STD era, waiting for their 9pm-7am free-calling facility to start off.

Hook-up

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Stop wrongly crediting Tinder for legitimising the hook-up culture. It’s about time we identified Karan Johar’s contribution in ruining our dating lives. He taught us that there are only three things you could do if you find yourself face-to-face with a man or a woman — kill, marry or hook-up. Because why would you want to have a conversation, why would you want to get to know the persona and maybe even become friends with them in the process? Assuming the person you’re killing, marrying or hooking-up with has no voice in this, see why the concept of consent is so warped in our country?

Nepotism

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To be fair, Karan didn’t actually say it, as much as he endorsed it, and later reaped the benefits of. Credit here goes to Kangana Ranaut — whose English speaking skills, or lack, thereof, have been widely discussed on the show — for applying the word perfectly. ‘Nepotism’ has travelled far and wide since then —off the banks of ‘eugenics and genetics’ — and has finally harboured at ‘nepospasm,’ a spasm one feels in the neck when one hears the word nepotism. It’s not to be confused with the nauseating lump one feels in their throat while watching Karan’s films.

Also read: Karan Johar, can you please ask better questions?

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