Why getting a loan is far easier than foreclosing it

...and it's not what you're thinking.

 |  4-minute read |   06-03-2019
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GETTING A LOAN

STEP 1 1F60F

You don't really have to look for it. Usually, it comes looking for you, over five phone calls a day, in various tones, spread over both genders, suggestive that you really — really — need one, even if you haven't thought about it.

Fore-closing a loan

STEP 1/156 1F628

Call the bank's call centre. You will be put on hold for an eternity and forced to listen to all the offers abounding, that too, sung to you. Then, you will be verbally frisked to ensure that it's you, so they will ask you your pet dog's name and if you don't answer all of the 45 questions asked, you would not be able to proceed with the call due to lack of verification. If you pass, then your request for foreclosing the loan is taken and they usually avoid giving you a reference number to this request, apparently so that they can just forget about it as there will be no record of it. (Aha!)

STEP 2 1F62F

You will get a rather rude email from the bank — as if it's a crime to foreclose a loan and deprive them of the outrageous interest they will lose. So, they will put in surprise charges that no one told you about — but it was all always hidden in the 60-page booklet that they made you sign without reading — and then forgot to send you a copy.

Ooops.

STEP 3 1F625

The list formalities include an affidavit, an authorisation form, some annexure and an annexure to the annexure. All to be signed by you and 30 witnesses — just in case you pay up and then leave the country.

STEP 4 1F3E6 

Now that you have all the paperwork in place, you are politely told by the call centre executive in the most abrupt two-word sentence — "Nearest branch"

STEP 5 1F3C31F3C3

So, you slip out of office during that 15-minute lunch-break — where you can decide to either have lunch or do your bank work — and reach the nearest branch. On arrival, the man behind the counter looks at you as if you’re an alien who has landed on the wrong planet. Apparently, yes, this is the bank — but here, they only handle insurance matters. You are advised to go to the next branch which turns out to handle only investments.

So, after visiting seven branches spread over 40 sq km, you are informed that only the city's main branch will handle this.

By now, you have travelled by two metros, an auto-rickshaw, a cycle rickshaw and a cab. Not to mention, you also have used up your entire quota of walking for the year. By now, you have covered 38 floors over all buildings, talked to 10 guards, five strangers and eight bank front desk executives.

STEP 6 1F3C31F630

Now that you have been instructed that the main branch is on the 15th floor, you go straight up — only to be told by the guard that Payal madam sits on the 1st floor.

STEP 7 1F62E

You now reach the first floor and meet a pleasant, smiling young lady called Payal who takes your papers — and is back in a second with a stamped receipt. You're just done in flat five minutes — which means that you now need to give them a five-star rating after you have clicked on the feedback link that comes in a message and takes you to a page which looks like this:

(Tick one or all of the options in the event that you can read it) 1F62C 

main_feedback-form_030619125204.jpg

1F612

Also read: 10 kinds of people I have met at an ATM queue, thanks to demonetisation

Writer

Naveen Siromoni Naveen Siromoni @naveensiromoni

A graphic designer by profession, have dabbled in advertising, print, IT and now enjoying the chaos of media

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