I need to go to a counsellor: all day I keep brooding on peahens and peacocks with tears streaming down my face. I need to find out whether this is a state of deep arousal or just a tear duct malfunction?
Despite having been a celibate uncle all my life — religiously adhering to the scriptures — I still pine to be a single parent. And if all it takes to get pregnant is a good cry, I just need to get hold of the nearest agony aunt.
I assure them I am a great tear-jerker, so the last thing they need to have on mind is performance anxiety!
Your lordship seems to be quite convinced that mating among peacocks is all a question of getting the choreography right — strutting back and forth to announce that one is the most-eligible bachelor and then turning the tap on. ''Iske jo aansu aate hain, morni use chug kar garbhvati ho jaati hai...''
Of course, I thought the ritual also involves the male perching on the female's back, but your lordship has skipped these lewd technicalities. And so will I when I meet the agony aunt.
No wonder, your lordship found the male to be extremely pious — just like our humble cow!
I also need to compliment your lordship for not objecting to the peacocks engaging in PDA in these days of moral policing. This is really heartening because if I cry on the roadside, it should not be construed as open "lewdness or lascivious behaviour."
I wonder what the peacocks think of this entire controversy. The poor souls keep strutting around for hours, shaking their feathers intermittently to draw the female's attention; but the peahen for some inexplicable reason is more interested in the male's backside and less in the colourful ensemble up top.
Hope this is no pious declaration of sexual preferences, but one really does not know!
Not to forget that the peahen also goes about eyeing other peacocks while our eligible bachelor is giving her the works with his rich plumage. No wonder, your lordship found the male to be extremely pious — just like our humble cow! Though my personal experience with the cows is that when they are romantically inclined and a little horny, all animals in the vicinity better watch out.
But why your lordship does not consider a peahen equally pious — since she stays perpetually chaste all her life — is a matter on which he alone can elaborate. I have had my share of pious women and can do with a good cry now.
Of course, there is a contrarian view that peacocks are monogamous and maintain a harem of sorts after the initial courtship is over. But I am sure that has to do less with their inherent promiscuous nature and more to do with the need to keep the tear ducts in good shape.
I am also glad your lordship has finally set the record straight about the peacock and and its adherence to righteous living, more so in view of a recent controversy in BJP-ruled Goa over the proposed listing of peacock as a vermin in the list of nuisance animals.
I never realised your lordships were such experts on courtship. Apparently, the judicial collegium with all its alleged congenital infirmities seemed to be imparting to the judges more than just a legal insight into birds and bees.
Your lordship has also convinced me why the Supreme Court refused to yield to political interference in the matter of appointment of a high court judge.
This is a territory that had to be zealously guarded if the quality of the judges was to be maintained. The last thing we want are rotten apples among the judges: after all this is the only pillar of our powerful democracy that is still intact.
Also read: Rajasthan HC judge saying peacocks don't have sex is proof cow politics is highly scientific