#TheDailyToast: Leaking the leaked covert op to nab Dawood

Let it not be known that what is known is known, lest those who know what is known reveal the unknowns that we do not know.

Roger prime minister.

Dawood, for instance. What do we know, really? That he lives in Dubai. Or not. Or Pakistan. Perhaps. Certainly possibly almost nearly surely not in India.

Sir, would Pakistan-occupied Kashmir count? And would Taliban occupied Pakistan count?

Shut up boy, don't befuddle the issue.

Sure prime minister.

It is foggy, but not clear, that he wears sunglasses. At all times. We would have nabbed him by now if we had just put out a red corner on those who wear sunglasses at all times. There are only four rock stars left and Rahul Bose, for God's sake. What is he: MH370? Where are we on that?

Sir we were on it, but he took off his sunglasses once in 1996 to wipe sweat off his brow, and our sunglass radar lost him.

Is it the same sunglass? What is the brand?

Sir, fake sir, from Bangkok. Huge ring.

Diamond?

Smuggling ring sir.

Oh yes. I knew that.

What else do we know? For sure?

Sir we have a certified list of everything we probably possibly cannot know with exactitude and some certainty that these are unknowns.

Apart from the unknowns of location, position, number of wives, children, health, colour of eyes and shampoo used for singular floppiness of hair, which we are fairly certain at this point Bieber was inspired enough by, depth of cricketing trivia prowess, we do not have evidence clinching him in 1993 though we are fairly certain that he most probably certainly was behind it, we have established 1996 beyond all surety of doubt and while we believe 2008 would not have happened without his help, we are in the process of pinning 1965 on him.

1965?

Yes sir. We have a witness. One Justin Bieber.

Why did you begin scouring Dubai?

Every time someone placed a bet and won we found the amount spent at Dubai duty-free. It is but obvious.

Pawar was right. Keep him out or we will all look like fools.

Secretary? Release an ordinance banning all questions in the State of Chup.. Er... India.

And keep things covert till I say otherwise.

In short, put a lid on it will you?