The potential Asaram witness

There isn’t enough insurance in the world to protect you from the wrong kind of god. Due diligence is the keyword to a religious who-moved-my-cheese if you will. Five questions to ask yourself before you sign up:

Question 1 should probably be: would there be any sexual activity involved? If the cult is listed as a registered chapter of Nymphomaniacs Anonymous, it would be a good idea to meditate till the laddoos come, and gracefully exit claiming an appointment with a prominent venereologist.

Question 2: Are you required to check your guns in at the door and can you get a locker? If the answer is yes, you may want to evaluate whether knitting might be more therapeutic in the world peace sense.

Question 3: Am I privileged? CCTVs, audio recordings, forbidden areas, seclusion, back doors and "other ashrams" for "privileged devotees", farmhouses with special visiting hours, and special coupons and lines for VIP access are all a dead giveaway that HR may have made the brochure but honey, you’ll be dealing with management soon.

Question 4: Have they heard the word ‘no’? Gods are crafted on the general principle of agreement. You agree to give them all your money and they agree to raise their hand on you. In blessing of course. If your consent is what keeps his clay baked, honey switch off the oven. There isn’t a god worth worshipping without an answer to a question worth asking.

Question 5: Are there medicines for everything? Sure it starts small. Diarrhoea, a headache, then it’s one for my daughter won’t switch off the television: ("here, mix this in with her milk"), and I think I’m gay ("Eat a neem branch twice a day while standing on a dead snake in the shade of a peepul tree on one leg") and the more common I can’t have children ("sure you can, come here you")....

Sometimes the only purpose of religion is "how to not end up dead" aka Eternal Life. Try it sometime.