I hail from a middle-class family in a small town in north India. I am 24 years old. I am a female student living in Pune and studying in the second year for my CA exams.
I am a virgin.
And I want a virgin husband as well.
This is my choice.
Let me explain why.
After the row caused by professor Sarkar’s undeniably objectionable comments in the Jadavpur University, some of my friends who knew my views on this subject approached me to discuss. But I find such discussions also pointless after a time. After all, your private sex life is just that. Private. I have little interest in others’ private activities.
But I understand that in today’s time, when people are jumping in and out of physical affairs, sometimes, with people they barely know, sometimes, with total strangers they meet online, my choice stands out.
It looks like fun. But it's not my choice. (Photo: Reuters)
I have good reasons for this choice though.
Primarily, I have self-respect.
I don’t see myself as the kind of girl who can easily switch from partner to partner, sleeping around, with no feelings or expectations involved.
I, in fact, hate the idea.
Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against sex or girls having it. But, for me, sex is linked intrinsically to love, to belonging and to respect. I don’t want to be the kind of girl whom a guy can look at and think he will bed and then discard.
I know this is how many men think.
To be unaware of this is to be stupid.
I am a topper and far from dumb.
The second reason, apart from my clarity about my own emotional needs, is my parents. As I said, we come from a small town in north India. My family consists of my parents, one sister and one brother. Our parents, my father, who worked in a government bank all his life, my mother, a music teacher, never distinguished between us two girls and our brother for our education, our opportunities or exposure. They sent me to the best school possible, the best coaching centres, all the way to Pune alone when I secured my CA course admission.
My parents gave me the best education possible. (Photo: PTI)
They did all this because they trust me.
They know I am mature – and I am aware that I have gone out to study and make a name for myself in the world.
Not to do bed-hopping.
I know it sounds harsh but I have seen this with my own eyes – the girls in my course who waste their time on such affairs are basically used by the guys they date and dropped as soon as possible. They get thoroughly disoriented and lose focus of their aims.
The men have a nice time.
The girls – because it is undeniable, no girl sleeps with a man without at least a small part of her heart getting involved – spend their time weeping, moping, then panicking over their pending studies.
That’s not my story in life.
This is my time to study and get the best professional set-up for me. This time will not come again, whereas the time for sex will.
I thus prefer to remain a virgin until I marry – and I will only marry a virgin man as well.
This is because I want to be with someone who will look forward to welcoming me in his life as the one person he cares for in this way, like I will care only for him. My husband should share the values I have – dignity, self-restraint, good taste and decency.
Is it cool to hop in and out of bed? I differ. (Photo: Facebook)
I would never be able to respect a man who has slept with many girls.
To some, that appears cool. To me, it would show an inability to control one's lust, to have no grounded-ness and no stability in life, to show scant seriousness towards other people.
My husband cannot be that way. I want a man whose sexual life will revolve around me. His wife. And not be diverted by other women in his past or in his current mental frame.
Again, don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against those who believe in free sex before marriage. I just don’t. And it’s my choice and my right.
I don’t think being cool means to let go of your values, your basic ethics and self-respect. I think being cool is to control yourself from being weak and losing sight of the most important things in life.
For me, that's the love and respect of those who care about me and trust me.
Not bedroom-hopping with men who won’t remember my name in the morning.